Life's alright...Even when its not...

Who Am I?

2012-01-23T10:38:00.001+05:30

Matthew 7:12, Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. TheGolden rule as it is widely known. If I were to sum up the entirety of Jesus’sministry into one single verse, it would be this. For in adhering to this onesimple thing, you will find the capacity to live out all the commandments, allthe statutes, everything. It’s a simplesentence with the power to change your life and the life of those around you. It’sa verse that I so often forget, despite preaching it to any and all thosearound me who don’t treat me as I would like to treat myself. Believing inJesus is not the hard part, its living the way he has asked us to live that is.To have a mind like Christ is one thing, but somewhere between having a mindlike Christ and a heart to serve him, we develop actions like humans. Goodintentions turn ugly and well-meaning hearts grow prideful.

Pride and arrogance can easily be considered one of the single mostdeadly mindsets in not living a life like Christ. Take it from me. I have andstill do succumb to this way of thinking and behaving and all it ends up servingis me stumbling myself and/or hurting those people who care the most for me. Jamesputs it best and most simply by saying that God resists the proud but givesgrace to the humble (which is derived from the book of Proverbs). What is graceother than the unmerited favour of God? And without the favour of God, life isnot going to be manageable at all, let alone easy. I do not deserve the graceof God yet he pours it on me. Especially when I have my head stuck up my own rearend.

I try hard not to yet, in my own humanity (though the phrase ‘I’m onlyhuman is used far too loosely and far too flippantly to cover up a multitude ofsins), I ever so often end up being an arrogant, headstrong, sorry excuse for aChristian. I have my Father in heaven to thank because he never gives up on me.Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of my own self-absorbed head,he’s there, right beside. And when I eventually trip up, he’s there to catchme, never letting me suffer for too long and just enough for me to learn mylesson. After which point of time comes the long road to righting the wrongsyou have done to those around you.

The best way I could end, is by quoting some of the lines from one ofmy favourite songs of all time. ‘Who am I by Casting Crowns’…

Who am I, thatthe Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, thatthe eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because ofwho I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

Still You hearme when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

Somehow or the other

2012-01-11T11:49:00.000+05:30

And so I bade farewell to the year that was. What it was, it’sdifficult to say really. 2011 was at many times many things and as it ran its course;I can say that I experienced a range of emotions from the depths of sorrow tothe heights of joy. The year came and went but not without leaving its mark onme. But for both the joyful and sorrowful that the past year brought me I amthankful. For it has left me, I hope, a better man.

Everything in life has a time, everything in life has a purpose andevery single one of us will see this. Whether we choose to let it take as wherewe are supposed to be or whether we choose to strike out against the currentand go our own way. It’s hard to place a distinction between which is better.For choosing the first may label you a coward and fearful whilst choosing theother, headstrong and foolish. Again 2011, made be choose both walks, I had toboth break away and find my own way and I had to let life lead me too. And indoing so, I found my way home.

Looking back to a year ago, the differences in my life, mysurroundings, my circumstances and especially my outlook are astounding. If atthat time, I had been told that 12 months down the line, this is the man I’dbe, it would have been near impossible to believe. Things change, seasonschange, life certainly is funny that way. Right now, I am thankful beyondmeasure for where I am right now. I have been blessed with so much. Mostimportantly, I have been blessed with a future I always wanted. And it’s notsome smoke in the air, nor is it some image I see whilst looking in the wrongend of a telescope. Instead it’s real, it’s here and I can almost reach out andtouch it.

I could never have seen myself here a year ago but,

Somehow or theother, life led me here, when I didn't know where I was going.
Somehow or the other, it pushed me on.

Somehow or the other love lifted me up when I was not looking for it.

Somehow or the other, I was given hope.

Somehow or the other I had the strength to never let go of that hope.

Somehow or the other, I found my place.

Somehow or the other, I have made my way to where I belong.

Somehow or the other, I am home.

Somehow or the other, my God never gave up on me and,

He is my somehow. And He is my other.

Bebo Norman - Beautiful You

2012-01-02T15:23:00.000+05:30

Smoke and Mirrors

2011-11-26T15:19:00.001+05:30

The pain,the hurt,

The feelingof being so completely lost is immense.

It consumes himfrom within.

What’s lostis indeed lost

And nowsmoke rises from where the fires burned.

What use istrying when all its end is loss,

Again.

Nothingmeans something amidst this chaos,

Trying soyet no one sees it.

All he knowsis no one believes him.

A viciouscircle of truth mistaken as deceit.

Sincerity islacking in him, they say.

What wethink he is,

Is thetruth,

The mask hewore is lost.

He wishes henever let it go.

It coveredhis heart, his life, himself,

But it kepthim safe, kept him sane.

Now, hewalks in the truth,

Yet thisworld and its people don’t trust him

Worthless.

You mustbelieve me, I am slipping further,

This is notsmoke, this is not a mirror.

I go on.

Alone.

A moment in the life of...

2011-11-16T11:33:00.001+05:30

And so, there I was, finally nearing my home sweet home after what can only be described as a near excruciatingly painful day at work.So more or less an average day really. It should be a given that the sun had long since decided to set and it was dark. Starved to a point of ravenous and tired to a point of apathy, I reached my home, with a warm dinner in my hand just crying out to be eaten.

As I reach the house its plain that nobody's home. The house being in abject darkness and the locked gate are what give it away. I then recall my dear mother telling me as I rushed out of the house, dead late, that she will only be getting home very late and for me to not forget to take my set of keys. I also fondly recall informing her with utmost confidence that I am not in fact an imbecile and have already put my keys in my bag and not to worry.

Rummage the Bag. Hear the keys jingle. Smile. Locate the keys. Wrong Keys. Gate remains ominously locked. Scream inside. Decide to scale gate. Can't be that difficult. Bad Idea. Darling Dog sees me and starts barking madly. Attention is drawn to me. Spend the next few minutes informing people that I am in fact the owner and not a burglar as they thought. Scrap idea of scaling gate.

Enter neighbours house. Sheepishly ask if I could climb side wall. Clamber up the wall. Slip. Keep going. Realize I should have taken my shoes off first. Remove them. Lose balance and fall of the side. Land on my feet. Should have been wearing the shoes. Manage to get in the premises. Use the set of keys I did have to open the back door. Could swear that even the dog was laughing at me.

Bits and Pieces...

2011-11-15T12:05:00.000+05:30

Updated haphazardly and at random…

"A man will chase his rainbows for as long as he does not see that they are no more than the illusion of light twisted by the memory of rain."

"I may sometimes dance in the shadows, but I'll always walk in the light"

“Life’s cruelest irony is found in it tricking us into believing that it alone is responsible for all our failures"

"Life's problems are nothing more than miracles waiting to happen. But sometimes, it's up to you to make them happen. And that is probably the greatest miracle. That you, young, old, male, female, whatever, have the strength within you. It was there from the start"

"The brighter the candle burns, the more warmth it generates, the more people it touches, the more attention it receives, but, but the faster it burns out..."

“Live your life in such a way that when your story is told, you will be remembered as being more than just a footnote in the book of time”

"Succeeding in life is like winning a game. It depends on the strategies you use, the tactics you employ, the beating you can take and the Allies you have. But sometimes having a big f***ing gun helps too..."

“You can be battered, you can be bruised but as long as you are not broken, you are free.”

"There are those sorts of person in the world that will not only squarely look a gift horse in the mouth but also proceed to then comment that maybe the horse needs a better dental plan."

“I have reason to believe that one of the better ways to not get bogged down by every single problem and the myriad of worries that hit me on a daily basis is to see if it can be solved, with what degree of effort and most importantly to what detriment it has to those things that truly matter the most to me.”

“I believe that strength of character is what will ultimately determine what mark you make on the world.

Mad Season - Matchbox 20

2011-11-04T09:07:00.001+05:30

I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long

And I've been guessin', and I coulda been guessin' wrong

You don't know me now, I kinda thought that you should somehow

Has that whole mad season got ya down?

Well, I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes

And I've been changin', I think it's funny how no one knows

We don't talk about, the little things that we do without

When that whole mad season comes around

So why ya gotta stand there

Looking like the answer now?

It seems to me, you'd come around

I need you now

Do you think you can cope? You figured me out?

That I'm lost and I'm hopeless

I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

I come undone in this mad season

I feel stupid, but I think I've been catchin' on

I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on

You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around

Will that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there?

Or are you gonna help me out?

We need to be together now

I need you now

Do you think you can cope? You figured me out?

That I'm lost and I'm hopeless

I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

I come undone in this mad season

Now I'm cryin', isn't that what you want?

I'm tryin' to live my life on my own, but I won't, no

At times, I can believe I am strong

So someone tell me

Why, why, why do I, I, I feel stupid?

And I come undone

Well I come undone

I need you now

Do you think you can cope? You figured me out?

That I'm lost and I'm hopeless

I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

Well I need you now

Do you think you can cope? You figured me out?

I'm a child and I'm hopeless

I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

I come, oh I come undone

In this mad season

It's been a mad season

Been a mad season

My Goodbye

2011-11-02T23:51:00.000+05:30

Foreword: While sitting alone in the night under the stars I suddenly had an overpowering feeling of what it would be like when my story was over and being told. Who would be present and who would not be. I wondered what would be said about me and the life I led. The more I thought about it, the more this feeling kept pushing me, to write what I would want to say on that day. My last hurrah, the long goodbye to all around, the last opportunity to share whatever I have gleaned from this existence. It’s a strange sensation and I don’t understand why I have this need to write this down. And immediately at that. And so I got down to it and what follows is…

MyGoodbye

Hello to all of you here today andthank you for coming. As strange as this may seem and out of the ordinary thisis my last goodbye to all of you. And for what it is worth, I hope that you canmake some use of what follows and through this I will leave you with one lastsomething.

This first request may well be not sadbut I will say it anyway, my reasons for this request will hopefully becomeclear by the end of this. Please don’t be sad, I must say this even though Iknow it most probably means nothing and will not have much effect on you. But itreally is what I want, not what I would have wanted as is usually said at timessuch as this, but what I want.

All my life I tried to make thosearound me smile, to try and spread some form of good cheer to those around me.I didn’t always succeed and a lot of the time I may have done just theopposite. But I was and still am a firm believer in the redeeming power of joy,of laughter and of happiness. All of us in our walks have been hurt, sometimesby ourselves and sometimes by others. Pain runs deep in our veins, it’s part ofbeing human. I have had my fair share of it, but I can proudly say to all ofyou here that I never let it take control. I embraced it, understood that itwas an inalienable part of who we are and of who we were ever meant to be. Ilearnt to accept that time does not as we so oft believe, heal all wounds, wedo. And through sorrows veil, I journeyed, not always running, hardly evenwalking at times, many times crawling and barely even moving. Yet I moved andalways forward. I believed in happiness, I believed in joy, I believed in thepower of love and all it brought with it.

In whatever stage of life I was In, Iknow that I may not have been the best father, husband, boyfriend, son, friend,acquaintance, etc. to you. I may not have been many things, but I know that Inever lost who I was, who I always was. I may have hurt some of you at times,said things which stung and for that I am sorry. Just know that I left withnothing against any of you, present or not.

Life really is about those we areplaced with; it is through them that we truly learn to live. Through theprotection and guidance of our parents, through the gentle caress of a loverskiss, the warmth of a spouses embrace, the look in the eyes of our children asthey run to our open arms or the laughter of a friend. It is a long road we aretasked with walking in this time that we are given. And it is never our fate towalk alone. So look around you to those around, go home, go to work, go toschool, go wherever and look at the faces you see. And know that they are all apart of your life, for good or ill. And know that there are those who will missyou when your time comes. So in the time that you have left reach out andembrace those who love you. Leave behind the hurt and pain of yesterday.

Regardless of where one walk met itsend and a new one began, I am grateful for all the time I got on this earth, andam proud to have called it home. I strived to enjoy the simple, the trivial andeven the absurd. I have known the joy of standing in the warm rain or to simplygaze at the night sky so full of a million stars or see the waves as the crashupon the shore. I held on with a tenacious grip to those things that made melaugh as a child that kept me enrapt in fascination. I stayed true to my beliefthat sometimes we need to look at the world through the eyes of our children.Even though I faced maturity head on and accepted the roles andresponsibilities adulthood placed on me, I never forgot or let go of thisbelief.

I leapt at every opportunity I got to laughat the simple or to be filled with wonderment at those little easily missedthings that life brings in our way. I laughed for no reason, I ran till I fell,I cried when I did fall, but I got up again and kept running. I never lost thatfeeling of rapturous delight as I woke up on Christmas morning to the smell ofbreakfast and the sight of presents beneath the tree. Every chance I got, Idanced in the pouring rain and stood with arms outstretched as it soaked methrough. The trail left by fireflies across the night sky never failed to makeme stop and stare.

There was much in life that did not gothe way I wanted but for every tear that fell there were two that dried and Ialways knew this even if not at the time. I accomplished much and I did notaccomplish much as well. But in whatever I did, I tried to do the best I could.I have felt that burden of loss and I have known the fullness of love. I haveseen the sun go down on me, stumbled on as the darkness enveloped me and raisedmy head to the heavens as the sun rose once more around me and bathed me inlight

I have loved and been loved in return.I have been a friend and I have felt friendship. I do not wish to refer toanybody in this, but you know who you are and no matter the role you played inmy life, I am thankful for it. So wipe those tears from your eyes and smile.Not that I am gone or at the loss you feel, but smile and know that life is notthat bad. You may have felt disappointment, suffered much, been let down, beenbetrayed and more. But so has someone else. You are not alone and you are notas weak as you think. Happiness really is where you find it but more often thannot it will find you. You just need to be looking in the right direction andnot have your hands full. I may have missed it many times but there were manytimes where I did manage to hold on.

I can honestly say that I lived a goodlife, even now. I may not have been a good person all the time and I may havefallen many times over the course of my walk. But I never gave into it and Ialways did the best I could to right the wrongs I made. I didn’t always get itright but I know that at the same time I didn’t always get it wrong either. Iendeavored to always walk in the light even though much too often I did danceamongst the shadows but never for too long. This is the way of all men; it isinherent in us, this original sin that permeates our very beings. The trick isto know that no matter what, regardless of religion, race or creed, we all havethat inert capacity to do good or evil. Yet the choice remains ours as italways has been. Therein lies the difference. Choice. Free will. Perhaps one ofthe greatest gifts and curses to mankind. I chose wisely at times and foolishlyat others, but I always reminded myself that the choice was mine. And thatknowledge helped me to walk a path that was right, meandering and stumblingalong the way but yet I know it was the correct one.

Life's problems are nothing more thanmiracles waiting to happen. But sometimes, it's up to you to make them happen.And that is probably the greatest miracle. That you, young, old, male, female,whatever, have the strength within you. It was there from the start. Rememberthat a man’s greatest strength does not lie in a lack of weakness but insteadin the acknowledgement that he is weak. The strength you need to carry on iswithin you. Don’t be afraid to fail and don’t give up if you do. Falling downdoes not necessarily have to mean you have failed; it’s not getting up againthat is.

So don’t be sad at what has been lost,myself included. There is so much more to life than to waste it thinking of thethings you have lost. There is a whole world out there waiting for you. Don’tlook back at the past and chances you have missed. Never believe that it is toolate to do something new. It is never too late. But you have to be willing totake that first step. You have to be willing to keep going. And never give up. Lifemay indeed be a race but the goal is to finish, you can take as much time asyou want before you do so. Enjoy the scenery along the way.

Life may even be like a song. You maynot know the words; you may not know the tune but still you raise your voiceand sing before the music’s over. And remember you are singing for you. Sobelieve in happiness, believe in joy, and believe in the power of love… believe.So this is my goodbye to you, for the moment. Go your ways and be happy. It reallyisn’t all that hard. And may I say that it has been a pleasure and an honour tohave known you all. And so when my light finally did fade, I hope that to you, thelife I lead would have served a greater purpose than being just a footnote inthe book of time. I hope that you will leave this place knowing that life iswaiting. So don’t take anything in this life for granted. This has been saidand said again many times in many forms. But that does not make it any lesstrue. As you go through the time you have been given, treat each day as a newone, as a new chance with opportunities bounded by nothing but your ownrationality. It's up to you to stop dreaming, wake up and walk on.

Don’t wait for other people tovalidate you or your existence. It can take a long time and it may not alwaysbe what you want to hear or worth the wait. The greatest validation you canever have is when you are alone, when there is no one around and you can lookat yourself and smile for who you are. I go to my rest and go knowing that in myheart, this has been my life and I found it worth living. And here and now, inthis place and in this time, that will do.

Now, it’s your turn. Life is waiting.

Thank You and Goodbye.

Of sunsets and seashells...

2011-10-31T23:11:00.002+05:30

Halfwaygone, lost and confused,

Liberatedthrough bonds that were broken,

A sense offreedom somehow not complete.

From heartto hand, from kiss to shove,

This merrygo round of emotion,

Round andround it went.

A sea offaces, a plethora of people,

In and out,they dipped and weaved.

A blur of humanity.

And as thecold rain fell,

Onward,shivering and shaken,

Numb anddirectionless.

The wavesebbed and flowed,

As life likethe tide, rose and fell.

Till on therocks left crashed,

With a lifethat would do,

And therelike lightning on a dark summer night

Change boredown, striking without warning.

Strange,this new sensation,

For whatreason and what purpose?

The answers,elusive; the feeling, unmistakable.

But this isthe life man lives,

And this isthe way things work,

Frenzied anderratic, hardly predictable.

Of sunsetsand sunrises, seashells and songs,

Where youfound me finding you.

Relax...

2011-10-25T18:35:00.000+05:30

Not necessarily 'For' my sunrise, but most definitely 'With' my sunrise someday...

Am I Wrong - Love Spit Love

2011-10-23T16:02:00.000+05:30

Its too much that I keep
To myself
And I turn my back on my faith
It's like glass
When we break
I wish no one in my place

and I've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and I'm lost in sleep

I can't stay
in this place
I can't stand
when the room turns round
on my fate
give no guarantees
there's no promise
I can keep

I can't stand
I can't see my way
I feel blind
on my feet
I can't stay too long
am i wrong?

goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love

I'm so tired
of my mood
and sleep comes
with a knife, fork and a spoon
you're so pale
in your face
you let life
get in your way

and I've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and I'm lost in sleep
am I wrong?

goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love
goodbye, lay the blame on love

Life Got In The Way - Sister Hazel

2011-10-23T13:21:00.000+05:30

We knew it all from a little thing
It was everything in our first minute
And it took us to another place
Yeah another place and we fell in it
How dare you not remember
How dare you walk away
We adored every little thing
Every little thing would leave us breathless
Every dawn spelled another day
And in another day we weren't so restless
How dare you not remember
How dare you walk away

And I wanted you so much
Just like I do right now
I wanted us to be the one the poets write their books about
I wanted it to last
I wanted to grow old
But life got in the way

We walked around in a heavy haze
We were stuck in days of so much warring
We got lost in a tricky maze
Yeah a tricky maze that was so scarring
How come you can't remember
How dare you walk away
Then you start to add the little things
Add the little things and trip the mighty
Now we got a little bitter thing
A little bitter thing that grew like ivy
And how dare you not remember
How dare you walk away

And I wanted you so much
Just like I do right now
I wanted us to be the one the poets write their books about
I wanted it to last
I wanted to grow old
But life got in the way

And apathy grows quietly where rapture used to fly
And promises and certainty have left love here to die
Won't you stay and don't let this one fall away

And I wanted you so much
Just like I do right now
I wanted us to be the one the poets write their books about
I wanted it to last
I wanted to grow old
But life got in the way

Yeah well life got in the way

The Comprehensive Men's Guide to conversing with their significant other

2011-10-14T20:59:00.000+05:30

The Longer Version

When it comes to the fairer sex, anything you say (and I meananything) can and most likely will be held against you as per the way they wantit to be held against you, regardless of the way you meant it. Further, theywill never, ever, EVER accept the way you meant it and will be adamant that theway they understood it is the way you actually meant it.

And there is nothing you could ever say to make them think otherwiseand anything that you do say to in fact convince them otherwise is just youtrying to cover up for what you really meant, which is obviously the way thatthey understood it. The more you try to convince them that the way theyunderstood it is not the way you meant it will only serve to further theirdogged certainty that what they understood it is exactly what you meant.

So yes, be warned, It may not be in the next few minutes, it may notbe in the next few days, weeks or even months, but one day when you do notexpect it, when you won’t even remember it, it will be held against you. Andwill be done so with interest.

The conclusion? Don’t say anything… which obviously will be construedas you not wanting to talk to them anymore.

The Summarized Version

Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.

Ultra Summarized Version

“…”

Summer Rain

2011-10-13T22:37:00.002+05:30

Round and round we go,

As the musicplays,

Dancing ohso slow,

In thesummer rain.

Where we gofrom here,

Time willnever tell,

But with youhere now,

I know allis well.

We are notafraid,

We are notalone,

This is ourtime now,

This is hereto stay

In thisplace with you,

I am free atlast,

To my owntune now,

Singing outfor joy.

Round andRound we go,

As the musicplays,

Dancing ohso slow,

In thesummer rain.

The Kaleidoscope

2011-10-13T15:21:00.000+05:30

Life’s like a kaleidoscope, colourful, intriguing, mirrors circlingmirrors. Light is twisted within it and yet made beautiful. With patternschanging, almost chaotic, yet beautiful and complex. With each turn, new imagesform and old ones are lost, light is twisted and reflected, and we change andchange those we collide into.

Every turn results in some strange new shape, some strange new angle. Throughthese twists, through these turns, through these shakes we reflect those whoface us and in this they reflect us. The slightest of which results in changes wecould never comprehend or have expected. Almost impossible to duplicate giventhe chance.

Life’s only constant is indeed change and we change with it, whetherwe chose that path or not. Every new day brings new patterns, new chaos, newdepths and new heights. We face a myriad of people in this walk, some like us,some unlike us and somewhere in the middle those people who are but reflectionsof us or who we want to be.

Sometimes we find those who shake us, who throw the very fabric of ourlives out of balance, but as the kaleidoscope, when light shines through,beauty, enthralling, colourful and captivating is the result. And so we twistand we turn with each other, constantly changing into something. Somethingmore. Something new.

“Collide into me as I collide into you. Together we can make chaosbeautiful”

I Can Breathe (Original Mix) - Tritonal Feat. Jeza

2011-10-13T11:44:00.000+05:30

"...so long as I can breathe, Its you who shakes me. So long as I can breathe, You're still the one who wakes me...

I'll be dead soon - Steve Jobs

2011-10-07T19:29:00.002+05:30

Steve Jobs may have been many things to many people, visionary, paranoid, genius, chaotic, a great leader, a terrifying one. I am no Jobs fan boy, he was just another man who had his strengths and weaknesses, his triumphs and failures. Nor am i an apple fan boy either. The only product of theirs I own is a very old ipod. However, this one excerpt from Jobs Stanford address will always be something I consider inspirational. And will always try to live by.

"Remembering that I'll bedead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make thebig choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, allpride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away inthe face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that youare going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you havesomething to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow yourheart."

"No one wants to die. Evenpeople who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet deathis the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as itshould be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. Itis Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Rightnow the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will graduallybecome the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quitetrue."

"Your time is limited, so don't waste itliving someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living withthe results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinionsdrown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to followyour heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want tobecome. Everything else is secondary."

Blessed be His name

2011-10-06T20:47:00.000+05:30

I have walked and fallen, gotten up only to fall again. I have lostmuch for which I can never recover. My body has been bruised, my spiritcrushed, my heart been battered and my soul made weary. I am tired, I am notwhole. The promise of better days is still a blur, with hope rising only tofade. Sometimes I wonder how I could even raise my head up once more and facethe world. Even though things are undeniably not good I will still lift myhands and praise the God who made me. For as long as I can breathe I will singhis praise and bless his name. He gives and he may take away but I will blesshis name. For I know that no matter what I go through, it is for my own good beit a punishment or be it a test. Even though I cannot see I still believe. I believein his grace, I believe in his mercy, I believe in him. He will lift me up,even though I cannot see or say when. And when he does I will declare the worksof my God who made me and who loves me. I will bless his holy name and sing hispraises till the day I am called home. My Redeemer lives and that is all I needto know and that is all I have, but it is everything. So I may lose those I loveand that what I hold dear, but I will not lose my faith. And in that I amstrong, in that I am safe and in that I will go on.

Home is in her eyes

2011-10-05T23:18:00.002+05:30

Round and roundwe go as the music plays,

One lasthurrah for the weary heart.

A foot inthe grave for the lost and forsaken

Where allthat is left is loneliness and

Minds lostto time.

Where do yougo, where do you go,

When theroad to home leaves you lost?

What do youdo, what do you,

When home isin her eyes?

Days oflaughter and tears in the night

Empty wordsof anger and loss

Yet a smileignites your senses. It fills you,

Till allthat’s left is what you know

This is allthere is.

Where do yougo, where do you go,

When the road to home leaves you lost?

What do youdo, what do you,

When home isin her eyes?

Is this allthere is, is this all there is

Home is inher eyes, it’s in her smile

Is this allthere is, is this all there is

Home is inher eyes, it’s in her smile

I’m cominghome, I’m coming home.

Chasing the Sun

2011-09-29T21:06:00.001+05:30

Doubt is the promise of a parachute that never materializes. Lovemakes no promises, but love without fear, without doubt, without uncertainty,will carry you further than you have ever known. And your feet will never touchthe ground. This kind of love is hard fought and elusive, easily impersonatedand sometimes barely recognizable.

Sometimes we go through the full course of our lives, never knowingwhat could have been and settling for a normalcy that is all we believe wecould ever hope to achieve. Settling for a life which we believe is what we’vebeen dealt and all we could hope for. So we go on, caught in this limbo,wanting so much more but settling for less.

What makes it worse is that deeply repressed feeling that, somehow inthis case, wanting more is not a wrong thing. That believing in a love that issomehow so much truer is not a fallacy, not a pipe dream and not the dream of ahopeless romantic who has watched one too many movies on the subject. And so,we take what we believe is the logical route, that true love is an illusion; apot of gold at the foot of a rainbow has no end. But what is the rainbow butthe sun shining through the end of rain.

I knew better. I still do. And so, I will keep chasing the sun for aslong as I am able.

The Silver Lining

2011-09-02T23:10:00.000+05:30

Every cloud has a silver lining, that optimistic idiom of old. Whereby we learn to look at the dark clouds that surround us and strive to see the positive hidden somewhere within. But what if there is nothing positive? Do we force ourselves to see this elusive good in a situation devoid of it? What if there really is nothing positive to take out of that what we have become or that which we have been placed in? We look for a silver lining that provides a false hope, a fleeting promise of the nonexistent. And in the end we are left with nothing, nothing but the cloud, only now, its blacker.

To me, the silver lining does not symbolize that there is something positive in the situation I am in, instead it is a promise of the sun. For what is the silver lining except the sun striving to shine past a dark cloud? Sometimes, try as I might, I cannot see what the silver lining is in a situation I am in. Instead, I choose to look at it as the promise of the sun, the promise that though this dark cloud overshadows me and blots out the light, the sun still shines behind and I will see it again. This cloud, this storm, this place, this too shall pass. And when it does, the sun will shine again. And I will once more walk in the light. So for now, I will walk in the darkness looking towards the promise of light. For it is coming. For it will come. And that is where the shallow promise of optimism can never compare against the rock that is hope.

What it is

2011-08-18T11:01:00.000+05:30

You cannot define it. You can try. But you will fail.

You can put it in a box but it can never be contained for long.

It will raise you up. It will bring you down.

It will set you free. It will clip your wings.

It’s in the eyes of your children.

It’s in the beat of a lonely heart.

It’s in the smile of your soul.

It’s found when you do not search for it.

It’s lost when you stop believing in it.

It will move you. It will shake you. It will break you.

It’s all you have when the dust has settled.

It’s easily veiled. Yet it will shine through.

It will change you. It will mould you.

It’s worth everything. And more.

It’s Love. It’s here. It’s now.

It’s You. It’s Me. It’s Real.

It’s still undefined.

It’s here to stay.

And that will do.

Lifted

2011-08-16T16:06:00.029+05:30

Eight months down the line of this year and I stop and look at where I am, or where I’ve ended up as it were. Looking back, for all my vain imaginations, I would have been hard-pressed to picture myself being here. A lot has happened this year, some for good and some for ill. It’s not necessarily been the easiest of times for me, but I’m here and I’m standing.

None of us are outside the machinations of time and all succumb to it, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. The time we have is here and then it is gone, with wasted moments leading to a thousand regrets. Life can very easily take a turn for better or for worse in a matter of minutes thus leaving us without a leg to stand on.

Months back, I wrote the following as part of a larger piece called 'Lifting my head'...

“Not much has fallen into place yet but there’s something within me that propels me on with a hope that things are going to get better. I’ve come to realize that to be happy you don’t always need to have the best of everything but instead you need to try and make the best of everything…”

“…And even though not much has improved, something within me feels different. Something lighthearted, something that says that life is going to get better.”

They were written at a time when every word was true and not much had indeed fallen into place but still I looked to the horizon, looked for that sunrise even when it was still night. And so I chose to keep trudging on, pushing onward in this weary existence and searching for a dawn I couldn’t see nor even knew for that matter.

Life really has the capacity to shock you, whether it be positive or negative and the more we convince ourselves that we are stronger or tougher than whatever life could through at us, it always manages to catch us off guard.

In our heads we always feel that it’s been a long road and life just doesn’t seem fair. But we know as well as anyone else, that that is not always true. And at any one point of time, there are millions of people who would do anything to exchange our petty problems with theirs. Every time I look back at all the things in my life that have ever given me reason to be sorrowful, I now see that, no matter what they were, there’s far worse that has happened to far more people than my simple mind could ever comprehend. It doesn’t make some sorrows or fears go away, but it makes the burden lighter. It makes me stop and count my blessings from the smallest to the largest. The funny thing is, somehow or the other, every time I stop and count them, there always seems far more than the last time.

I’ve come to realize that much has changed and much is changing in me. A lot of things which I never considered or would never consider detrimental to me or those close to me are slowly but surely being chipped away. It’s funny considering that a lot of what is being changed were those very things which I considered strengths, which I considered made me stand strong. When truth be told, all they did was harden my heart, when all I wanted was to toughen my skin.

The stumbles and falls we make in life ultimately decide who we become but only if we choose to accept them as such. I try my best to look at every stumble and every fall as one of three things. Either

a) I have made a mistake somewhere along the line and this is my correction

b) It’s a test which is only going to make me stronger

c) It’s for my own good, even though I cannot see how at the moment

This is all well and good and is far easier said than done, but somehow, I’ve managed to draw strength from this. I try to walk the line, I try to walk right. I don’t always succeed and I still manage to trip myself up every so often. But then again, isn’t that part of being human? Ultimately, acknowledging them and using them to move forward is what makes you stronger. Not ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. It took me a long time, with many hard lessons along the way to figure out that the worst thing I could ever do was fool myself into thinking otherwise. But yet, I did and learned my lesson.

So here I am, 8 months down and certainly a different person to who I am when this year began. Life has changed inexplicably in a myriad of ways. But with complete conviction I can say that things are certainly on the upward trek. One change, if I could call it that, in particular has certainly brought about a huge positive shift. Just as I have lost many reasons to smile during this year, I have certainly gained a big reason to smile now. Just as a large part of a very happy future was rudely scooped out of me during April, it was replaced but far far more in June. Life certainly has this funny way of doing things like that to you, when you don't expect it, when you are least prepared for it and especially when you think you don't need it. Needless to say, right now, I couldn't be more thankful for it. That old adage about how when God closes a door, he opens a window is certainly true in many cases but in mine, it went a bit further, where when even that window closed, an entire wall was moved aside for me. And from where I'm standing now, the view is magnificent.

I attribute everything of where I am now to my God who loves me, who never left me even when I stuck my tongue out and decided to do things my own way. But in the end, he’s brought me here to where I am. There’s much to be done, much to change, much to make amends for, but through it all, I know that I am stronger than I’ve ever been. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. No, not the permanent inane grin just painted on that I'd got so used to living with, but a smile inside. At last the sad clown no longer needs the smiling mask for now he really smiles. Each new day brings with it new things to smile for and may bring new things to weep, but I’ve made this far and I’ll keep going until my time is up. Faced with a reason to die for is not good enough. I have a reason worth living for. And that makes all the difference.

I've lived and learned; I've crashed and burned,

I’ve learned to laugh through sorrows veil.

I've run and fallen; I've stumble and crawled,

Yet learned to rise whenever I fail.

The road is long, the way unclear,

And Tomorrow is not for me to decide

But I am here today and I am alive.

And that for me, really is more than enough

And so, I leave another bag full of worries behind, pick up just the ones that bring me joy, look to that horizon. And keep on going on.

Life certainly is alright. And sometimes. It's a whole lot more. The choice remains yours though as to whether you choose to live knowing that it's alright... even when it doesn't seem to be. I should know.

The Call to Redemption

2011-08-16T15:59:00.002+05:30

The Call

I sit alone as the darkness surrounds me,

My heart, lost deep within a wall of emotion.

A few steps ahead this black seduction beckons,

Trembling, I struggle to fight the call.

But for what reason and to what end do I struggle still?

The choice ahead is simple enough,

And the consequences it brings, I care not,

For now this heart grows cold once more.

Day and night begin to merge into one,

In an endless flow of time, that hated constant.

The Fall

What good is running when all we do is stumble?

Already forsaken and lost, why blindly walk on,

Towards a hope I no longer see?

And what of it then, when like all else it fails me?

A cold wind blows; I feel its touch.

Warmth feels but a distant memory.

This feeling that burns so strong within,

Now draws me down, into the murky depths.

To a place void of light and joy, this pit of despair.

Hope is but an illusion, empty promises in a dark world.

The Reckoning

Further below now I feel myself sinking,

But as that last glimmer of hope fades to nothing

I sense the promise of day, a seed of light,

In that moment as life’s last breath escape me,

I see the light that still shines within and without.

And there the flow of time stops,

Leaving me suspended in this middle ground,

A self-imposed exile between the light and dark.

And in those moments, frozen in time,

I see through this veil, this bleak illusion.

The Ascent

This too like all things shall pass, I now know.

Be that for good or Ill is my choice to make,

And not writ in stone or willed by any man.

Never is the time to give in to this.

Too far I have journeyed to let this shroud me.

Just one more corner, one more, I must push on.

Not far now, no not far to go.

So I lift one weary foot, one last time.

One last time, just like before and just like tomorrow,

Always one last time but never the last.

The Redemption

The hope I see still burns strong and bright,

And mans petty plans and idle devices,

Shall not again sway me from this end.

I raise my head with swift determination,

That faith in a future now guiding me on.

The decay of loss and the grit of life will I pass by

With the clouds of yesterday driving me on.

My weary eyes and tired limbs will never fail me,

My mind is mine to own, this life is all I have.

And in this place, I am strong, I am mine. And I go on.

I Want

2011-07-28T14:18:00.004+05:30

I want to stand in the pouring rain and feel it wash down my face.

I want to stand on the edge of the world and scream.

I want to feel the waves of the sea crash around me.

I want to run through endless fields of green and feel the sun.

I want to glide off the mountains and know what it’s like to fly.

I want to sing for the moment.

I want to dance for no reason.

I want to smile from the inside.

I want to trust in my heart.

I want to live for today and laugh for tomorrow.

I want to trust in this joy and love you forever.

June

2011-07-05T14:09:00.003+05:30

To my sunrise

Beneath the burning sun or crimson sky,

The silver stars and pale white moon.

I’ll not forget those times we shared and,

How love caught us,
In those lazy days of June.

When first I saw your smiling face,

Bathed with a new light shining through.

Like molten lightning, emotions filled me,

The backdrop faded,
And all I saw was you.

We talked of life, of love and loss,

Of things long past and yet to come,

And as we spent those days and nights,

Two long dead hearts,
Began to hum.

But Time is cruel, it plays games with man.

As minutes together became hours passed,

And left us yearning for so much more,

Yet those moments,
Never went less fast.

But in what time we spent together,

And swore we loved each other more.

We lost ourselves in what we’d become,

And found our place,
In the afterglow.

Those days with you, I’ll never lose,

And if my time should come too soon,

I’ll always have that light you gave,

Still shining from,
Those lazy days in June.

Or if this life gives us the chance we seek,

To walk long together, I’ll still sing that tune,

Even when your ears are dim and my voice weak,

Of how love caught us,
In those lazy days of June.

Today

2011-07-03T13:04:00.002+05:30

The times of drifting,
Back and forth in time are done.
Whatever was; has been.
Whatever is today; is now.

And today,
I feel alive.

Whatever is to come,
I cannot see it now,
But, that’s just going to be,
Another today.

And today,
I feel alive...

Still I will Stand

2011-06-29T12:10:00.004+05:30

The trials of life,

They have battered me much.

I’ve faced them all, some in strength,

And some in fear.

Yet I faced them and did not falter.

Through the storms, through the tears,

One thing remained, one constant truth.

That in the midst of all, I stood on the Rock.

My strength was not found in man,

My victories I cannot attribute to me.

So hear me now and listen well,

For no matter where life takes me now,

Through the uncertainty of a thousand tomorrows,

I will remain for You are eternal.

And here, nothing can touch me.

A Time to be.

2011-06-22T18:15:00.004+05:30

There is time to laugh; there is a time to cry,

A time to give and a time to take

There is a time to love; there is a time to hate,

A time to build and a time to break.

There is a time for dawn and a time for dusk,

A time for day and time for night.

There is a time for trial and a time for victory,

A time to cede and a time to fight.

All things will come to pass when the time is right,

For we are but pawns in a game we can never master,

Caught in a sequence of events we can at best endure.

I see this life pass around me, a flow of light so fast,

It blends into one, a mercurial torrent of all there is.

Irrational, Illogical, Unpredictable yet Human,

I struggle against the currents, strive for normality.

As I yearn for a semblance of hope in this world,

And fight for a future I may never even get to see.

So I make my way, a solitary figure on a crowded road.

A New Day

2011-06-17T10:29:00.003+05:30

Also for my sunrise.

As a new day now dawns, a new life is begun,

I hear the whispers of a new future to live

And like the dark of night gives way to the sun,

I take that first step forward, with all I have to give.

But of what tomorrow will bring I have no sign,

And the road ahead remains dark and unclear.

Then as I look, I feel your hand holding mine,

And together we’ll walk on with nothing to fear.

In this Moment...

2011-06-16T14:49:00.008+05:30

For my sunrise...

If this life was a song, you were always its chorus,

The sound of a thousand instruments in the dark,

The melody of a hundred voices singing as one.

I see it all so clearly now, like a day after rain,

The colours of this world all swirl into one,

And I see myself through your eyes and smile.

For every smile that faded there was a tear that dried,

Looking back, I see the road that brought me here,

Here, the place where I was always supposed to be.

If I could make this moment go on forever, I would.

But I see the life that lies ahead and it’s simple now

The clouds roll back and the sun shines through.

And in this moment,
I am yours,
I am free and,
I am home.

Wow. Just Wow.

2011-06-08T14:48:00.001+05:30

I Stand Alone.

2011-05-26T23:04:00.002+05:30

Why I love Switzerland.

2011-05-26T08:45:00.002+05:30

Moving here is definitely a priority for me. You are welcome to join. Any takers?

What? Breathtaking vistas dont have to be the only reason... :-)

(As always, none of these pics are mine. Full credit to the rightful owners)

Just another game review...

2011-05-23T16:10:00.003+05:30

So, having tried out the original game of life for quite a while now, there are some advantages and disadvantages to be had.

· Overall, the graphics are pretty amazing with fantastic shadows and shading and texturing and very true day/night cycles.

· Gameplay can be incredibly challenging at times and occasionally makes the game unplayable without some patches which the game creator doesn’t readily release.

· View distances are amazing though the longer you play the harder it gets to see further and further.

· Despite being called a so called open ended world, it seems as if a lot of things are scripted with actual choice being heavily limited.

· There a lot of NPCs who generally are of no use and very often just serve to get on the players nerves.

· Characters are well rendered though there could be some improvement here and there to features. Sometimes it feels like the lips of the characters move without there being any real thought patterns behind them

· Decision making is very complex and sometimes you have no idea what decisions to make let alone how they are going to affect future gameplay. (See my comment regarding the ‘Relationship System’.

· The Morality system seems half-baked and unfair with different players getting different rewards or punishments. Even to the extent that a bad decision can result in a good reward.

· Don’t even get me started on the ‘Romance and Relationship’ system built into the game. With current decisions causing future gameplay to get virtually unplayable and causing severe performance issues.

· The credit system is severely flawed with there being a very very diverse range of items and addons available for purchase but incredibly difficult credit collection

· Many sections of the game tend to drag on with the player having no clue why he/she has to go through these sections let alone how they add to the game.

· Some of the quests like the ‘Grow up, Study and Get a job’ and far too complex and difficult and divert players from enjoying the better aspects of the game like the various mini-games.

· Boss fights are tedious and even though you can continue gameplay without winning them all, they always make the game tougher

· The cheats don’t work and no known walkthroughs exist.

· There are severe pathing issues that completely confuse the players and lead to random wandering around the gameworld with no progression to the story

· There really needs to be some sort of character creation before you start the game. It feels strange that your character can switch gender and appearance later on in the game but not before you start.

· The Driving aspects are not too bad though the default AI for police is far too unpredictable

· The strategy elements sometimes too much to handle

· Community patches generally lead to frequent crashing

· The multiplayer is probably one of the best and worst features of the whole game. Though there are too many campers, noobs and selfish players out there.

· The default difficulty setting is far too hard

Would you live here? Damn. I would.

2011-05-23T09:20:00.009+05:30

Wherever this is. Its absolutely gorgeous...

(Do click the image for a larger resolution)

Just a Tree...

2011-05-22T19:00:00.000+05:30

Nothing. It's just a picture I saw on the internet. Not my own. And no clue who originally took it. Wish i was wherever this is.

Walk on.

2011-05-19T21:45:00.019+05:30

It’s not always a bad thing to look back at your life. Sometimes looking back is the only way you can move forward. The mistake we make is in trying to do both things together. Its then that you're going to falter. Don't believe me? Try walking forward but looking behind.

Don’t be afraid to be who you are. There’s always going to be at least one person who wouldn’t want to change anything about you. And it’s not worth being with someone (or anyone) who want to change you. Unless it’s for the better for you. Your heart will be able to tell the difference.

Nobody can stay strong all the time. If they are, it’s no more than saving face. No one can be brave all the time. True courage is found from being afraid but in that fear not giving up but instead facing it and coming out strong.

Don’t wait for other people to validate you or your existence. It can take a long time and it may not always be what you want to hear or worth the wait. The greatest validation you can ever have is when you are alone, when there is no one around and you can look at yourself and smile for who you are.

The problem with always wanting to be like a child is that people will begin to treat you as such. Instead have an inert ability to see situations as a both a child and an adult would. Then choose which approach is the better one.

Practicing what you preach is not always the best thing to do. It’s easy to tell someone how to handle a situation; it’s not so easy when you are in that situation. It’s worse when you pretend to practice what you preach.

Stick to preaching what you practice. If you don’t practice it, think long and hard before preaching it. Sometimes, a good, heartfelt hug can accomplish far more than any amount of words ever could.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let someone go. It’s even harder to let them go so they can be happy with someone else because you no longer give them happiness. But what is most important is that the opposite is also true.

We all lose sometimes. When you do, remember to not lose the lesson. It’s in there somewhere.

That being said, our biggest mistakes don’t always only result in corrections or lessons learned. Sometimes, these mistakes, once we get through them can lead us to what will become our greatest triumphs.

Time flies. Don’t waste it waiting for things to fall into place. The worst thing you can do is to wait for things to work out. Instead know when the time has come to do what you have to do.

Despite popular belief, the much used saying that Time heals all wounds is not in fact true. Time does not heal all wounds. You do. So don't wait in the hope that eventually you will heal. Do something about it. It may take some time but its guaranteed that it will be quicker than just waiting.

Get a job that makes you happy to do it. It doesn’t matter what job you do as long as it’s what you want to do. If you wake up in the morning and dread the very thought of another working day, you’re doing it wrong. It’s only acceptable if it’s a means to end.

Learn to be content with the cards you have been dealt. It won’t always seem fair and the grass will almost always look greener on the other side. Most of the time, it’s just a matter of perspective.

Don’t berate people if their attitude is negative towards life. It may be all they have. Just telling someone to be positive will not amount to anything. It’s better if you find out what makes them be the way they are. Most of the time all someone needs is to be understood.

Never tease somebody about their mistakes. What looks like just a simple mistake to you can be a huge failure to them. There's never any way to truly be sure of it.

You are never too old, never too smart, never too experienced to be corrected. Don’t let pride get in the way of what is ultimately for your own good.

People will let you down. Don’t ignore this fact and don't lose faith in humanity if it happens.Similarly you will let people down. It happens. It's part of being human. But whatever you do, never ever let yourself down. Thats when you've lost.

Whether you know it or not. Somebody somewhere looks up to you. Remember that and behave accordingly.

What you want isn’t always what you get. But don’t forget the times where you have got what you wanted. Most of the time we never realize how much of what we want we have got, simply because the things we wanted and never got are so much grander than the things we wanted and got.

Sometimes we believe that all our actions are acceptable as long as they hurt no one. What we fail to realize is that sometimes hurting ourselves can hurt others more than if we were to hurt them directly.

Always be careful how you act around others. No matter how well you know somebody, what is a normal form of behaviour to you may not be the same to them. Act accordingly. Play it safe. It helps.

Finally, don't take anything in life for granted. This has been said and resaid many times in many forms. But that does not make it any less true. As you go through the time you have been given, treat each day as a new one. As a new chance with opportunities bounded by nothing but your own rationality. It's up to you to stop dreaming, wake up and walk on.

Oh and by the way, regardless of how you feel right now, you are loved and would be missed if you were gone. So walk on.

On the Importance of Umbrellas...

2011-05-17T22:34:00.002+05:30

Right. So enough with the moping and whatnot, it’s time to rise and shine, well not right now, right now I think I’m ready for a good long nap. One which does not have to end with cursing, bashing of the snooze alarm and reluctant cursing as another working day looms.

Lately it’s not been the easiest ride for me, but after awhile you realize that the only real way to get on with life is to man up and stick your finger up at whatever’s being getting you down (metaphorically of course, not promoting any aggression here people). It’s never easy to get up when you’ve been kicked in the, well, kicked. But you have to do it because that’s really the only way out.

Positive thinking is of no use really, it’s positive doing that’s the winner. Positive thinking is good, but inevitably it’s of no use if you don’t really get around to doing what you’re thinking. Picture this, it’s raining, cats, dogs and a few sheep too. You have an umbrella, but instead of opening it and venturing out, you stay back thinking, “oh, nothing to worry, if it doesn’t cease, I have the umbrella” and so you wait for it to cease. Sometimes friend, the only way is through the storm, you will get wet in the process, but you will get to where you want to be.

It’s a tough old thing, this journey called life, it has the capacity to thrill you, to bring you joy, to make you cry, to shock you and a host of other emotions. But as long as in the end you did it on your own terms. That’s what counts.

As the oft used saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going (if the song made popular by an English boy band is now running through your head, please get the hell out of my blog. Just kidding, they’re alright). For whatever amount of use and overuse this saying has gone through, it still holds true. I’ve found that a very easy way to get through occurrences is to think, “Hey, someday, this is going to make a very funny story” or “hey, through this, I’m going to learn something or someone else is going to learn something.”

Think about it, someday, you can get a lot of laughs about how the shit hit the fan with you caught in the middle or about how to know when the shit is going to hit the fan and move the hell out of the way. Or at least grab an umbrella.

And open it. For goodness sake open it.

And so it goes...

2011-05-17T22:00:00.000+05:30

It’s hard to believe sometimes how quickly things around us can change. Sometimes it feels like I’m just standing still going nowhere fast as the world moves around me in a blur. Life tends to move so fast around you every so often that it leaves you wondering how you could possibly catch up. But this begs the question, do you really want to always be running behind trying to catch up on life or do you want life to stop and wait till you’re ready to catch up with it? I’ve had to very quickly catch up with a life that tried hard to slip away from me, but somehow or the other I’ve managed to hold on for dear life and cling on. I’ve lost much, but I believe I’ve gained much more. Call it what you will but I’m not just hoping for a better day, I’m looking forward eagerly for it.

Lifting My Head

2011-05-02T13:28:00.004+05:30

Well. I’m back after what feels like (and actually is) the longest time. 2011 has not by any measure been a good year so far for me, but I think it’s about time that stops.

The year started off without much fanfare and with high hopes. A sluggish January eventually came and went without many problems, at least nothing worth remembering or carrying forward. February began much the same as January before without any warning life just stopped and blew me right off. My world got irreparably shattered with immense personal tragedy. The loss of a loved one is never easy to bear but when it’s a parent and one you’ve loved immensely the pain goes beyond simple sadness. It’s a feeling I could never explain to in words.

What was left of February passed in a blur of emotions and a whirlwind of thoughts. Solitude was hard to find and solace was never easy to find, at least for me. I dealt with everything in much the same way I always do, quiet contemplation and a stubborn will to just keep going on. It seems so much easier sometimes when life gets in the way to just give up and let yourself go. After all, if so much pain and heartache has been heaped on you, it’s excusable. But that is temporary and will never leave you happy in the long run. So you are left with the option of carrying your troubles with you, but no man can carry all his troubles for too long.

Picture a man walking, with many bags, mementos of his life, some good, some bad, all hard to let go. As he walks he picks up more bags along the way and always seems to leave behind fewer than he picks up. Eventually, there will come a point of time where all the bags he’s picked up will be too much to carry. The choice remains to stop moving and sit with all his bags or to make the hard choice and leave some behind. And so, I let the bags go and staggered on, battered and bruised, but not broken. Never broken.

March came and went much the same as January did, I celebrated (if I can even use that word) another year of my life passing with the useful thoughts of what has been achieved and what has not, with hopes and dreams for a better future. I had almost made it through April when for the second time in this year, my world got shattered again, only this time it fell apart easier. Something which I held on to for so long, which was one of the, if not only source of real happiness left for me was lost. The pain almost as great as what I felt just a few months back and in some ways even more so. It was as if a huge part of my future, a happy future, had been rudely scooped out and thrown away. The wounds are still fresh and still I pick up the pieces one by one. But still I staggered on.

A year ago, the losses I suffered would have been too much to bear and I can’t imagine that yet I can smile and move on. Not much has fallen into place yet but there’s something within me that propels me on with a hope that things are going to get better. I’ve come to realize that to be happy you don’t always need to have the best of everything but instead you need to try and make the best of everything. No matter how hard, no matter how bleak and no matter how empty you may feel. I’ve realized that the things we place the most hope in aren’t always the things that end up bringing us joy. And even though not much has improved, something within me feels different. Something lighthearted, something that says that life is going to get better.

I think this quote by the French poet and playwright, Guillaume Apollinaire sums it up best, “Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

And so, I leave another bag, look to the horizon and start moving forward…

Dear World

2010-11-15T20:24:00.004+05:30

Dear World. When you read these very lines, I could be alive and well, doing quite fine. I could instead be in dire straits, tight roping between this world and the next. Or, it could be over, the last full stop being made, the tale being told and the book now shut. Quite simply put, this is a letter from me, (quite possibly) the dearly beloved (or thank god he’s gone), to you.

Now before I proceed, I really must tell you, that I feel quite fine as I write these words, so don’t worry your head. I’m quite clear of mind, of good health (albeit questionable stamina) and feeling rather positively disposed (if not completely satisfied) with dear old Life. So may I say that this is to be read once I’m not around or to put it simpler, when my soul is not middling around on earth. At least then I can avoid hearing any sort of feedback on what I’ve said here.

Now if you knew me well and liked me, then please for goodness sake don’t get all sad I’m gone. I enjoyed my life very much indeed, right until it stopped, I may or may not have enjoyed that bit, but well, what’s done is done. Do be happy and not get all sad and down that I’m no longer around, ok well get a bit sad, wouldn’t really mind it. But not for too long. Know that whatever the stage the relationship between you and me was at I liked you. Very much in fact. I may have been crap at keeping in touch, but still, I liked you. So smile. And go get on with your life and have a damn good time of it.

Now if you didn’t like me, then well, you’d be smiling anyway and well that’s alright. I really don’t mind, as they say, whatever makes you happy. Though how you’ve managed reading this far through a piece of my writing, let alone why you’re reading is a mystery to me. Of course, do try not to show how glad you are to those people who are sad about this whole affair. Could make them feel worse as well as possibly sending you post haste to the state I’m in.

Most everybody talks about life being too short, but I’ve always been of the opinion that Life is the longest thing anyone could ever do, except of course being dead. Life feels like it’s ‘too short’, only when you waste time not really living and instead just muddling along. This doesn’t mean you need to conquer the continents, swim the seven seas, be king of the corporate jungle and still be home in time for tea. Life is never boring, it just depends on where you stand and what (or whom) you compare it to.

When I go (or went), I may not have achieved everything I wanted to achieve, nor be exactly where I wanted to be, but rest assured, it would be ok. My only sorrow would be if when it happened, there were words left unspoken or works that should never have been spoken. If I never got to tell you that I loved you and were happy to have you in my life (if you are one of the people from paragraph 4, then firstly, I’m sorry if we fell out because it was my fault. I apologize for whatever it was that happened. If you are sorry too, then apology accepted and we are good. If not, well, alright too).

There’s much that life has to offer, I guess you just have to look. It may not be where you think, it may not be what you want but still, there is always something better. It may not be as soon as you want, it may not be in the shape that you want it, it may be completely different to what you want, but still, it’s there. So, wherever you may be in life, realise what’s most important is those around you. Those people who would honestly truly miss you when you were gone. The ones whose life would have a ‘you’ shaped hole in them. And all I have left to say is that, I’m glad I have, not had, but have you in my life.

An Unspecific, Meandering Open Letter to the Universe

2010-10-25T09:51:00.001+05:30

[Time: 11.45 pm, Sunday. Sleep: Elusive. Mood: Pensive]

Anyone, be they a child in their school uniform and dusty shoes, bruised knees and stained fingers, to the Adult, with their suit and tired eyes, bruised pride and stained soul to the world-weary elderly, with furrowed brow and dim eyes, bruised everything and stained skin when asked what their concept of the universe is, will speak of the sun, the moon and the stars, of heavenly bodies in heavenly places, of black holes and solar systems. My universe is a lot closer. And this one goes out to you.

Life’s not been easy, the universe has never really always smiled down on me and I have never always smiled back. The easiest thing to say is that age old excuse of men, women and children, that trump card, that of just being only human. But then what more can we hope to be, if not ‘only human’? What more can we hope for, than being just that? So here I am, to say that I’m sorry.

There are many things we all regret, many things we know that if given a chance to go back, would in a heartbeat change or do things differently. But unfortunately, that opportunity very firmly rests only in the hands of fiction. And so all we can do is make amends for that what we have done. Right past wrongs, change for the better and if nothing at all, be an example to another, even if that example is what not to do.

This is to say that I did my best, I still do. Many times I may have fallen short of what you expected; I may have said or done things that hurt you. What’s worse I may have actually meant it. I may not even have known that I was hurting you. For that I am sorry. My sincere wish is that you forgive me. I am not perfect, but then again, it can be argued that it is our imperfections that make us who we are, that define us and make us different.

Speaking for myself, I know that i try to be a better person. At least that i can boast of, not that i am one, but that I try. It’s not an easy thing to do, but still I try. I know that I can never reach perfection, not as long as I’m on this earth. But while I’m here, I think for now, I’ll keep trying. All I ask is your forgiveness, for when you see the cracks.

So you, reading these words now, are part of my universe, whether it be in the daily grind of things, or in the once in a blue moon. Whether it is in a role that is integral to life as I know it or just a drop in the ocean, know that you still are something and still are someone. And for that, I thank you. Know you are a part of many universes in many people. For some you could be there sun, bringing light, and warmth and life. To some you may be a star, visible from a distance, twinkling, but still there. You mean many things to many people. Not always the same, not always as important as you think you are or want to be. But you may just be looking in the wrong place. Remember, the star you see twinkling millions of light years away, is a bright and burning sun somewhere.

So keep shining.

The Bus ride from hell

2010-07-16T19:39:00.000+05:30

I was just heading home after a rather heavy day of work. It was rush hour or thereabouts and the buses were crowded, at least crowded enough to not have any free seats. Now anyone who has had to use public transport at rush hour (and on a Friday no less), will sympathize with me as they would understand just how excruciating a bus trip is when its crowded and you have to stand.

So there I was, in a bus with no seats and a forty five minute journey ahead of me. Needless to say, I was not all too happy about the prospect of the journey ahead. It was a given that people would be getting down in the coming halts and I after some debate (and geo-demographic analysis of the seated passengers) decided to station myself near a rather tense young lady (let’s call her Anne) who was holding on to her handbag like it was filled with gold. Logically, I thought, she will be going to get down soon and so is preparing herself to make the journey from her seat to the door.

As I stood there, the gentleman sitting in the seat behind hers got up and made his way to the door. That’s not a problem; I’ve been standing for barely more than 5 minutes. As luck would have it, a little old lady who was sitting in front of the tense young lady got up and left her seat. At this point in case you might be wondering, if these seats were in front and behind the seat I was standing beside, then why didn’t I just sit there? Well, what I’ve failed to point out is that by the time the gentleman of the sentence a few rows above left his seat, people were already standing in the bus neck to neck.

To make matters worse, the bus driver was clearly in training for some sort of race-related event and was both working and practicing at the same time. Compounding this is the fact that the people who were standing were with their arms raised up holding on to the railings for dear life and I am fortunate to be shorter than average and so am in the general vicinity of a taller persons armpits.

So there I was, feeling rather pathetic and not too positively disposed to life and all the wonders it holds in store for me. Various people were getting up to get down and others were taking their seats and obviously none of this was happening near me. Anne was still there in virtually the same posture as when I got into this god-forsaken bus. Eventually, I moved towards another area of the bus as just looking at Anne’s face was making me commit all sorts of grievous acts in my mind.

From the general trend of this little tale, if you’ve made it this far, you may have already guessed what happened next and it did. A couple of minutes after I decided to leave Anne and give up the promise of a seat that came with her, she decided that it was time to move on and got up and off the bus. At this point various four (and five and six and more) lettered words that would make my grandmother cry in shame flittered across my mind as I saw the seat I had coveted for so long going to someone, who I’m positive probably got into the bus at the previous halt.

And so the wheels of the bus turned round and round, albeit far faster than they should be. Gradually the bus began to empty, but not the seated people near me, oh no, that would not be right. With just a few people standing, three passengers near the rear of the bus got up to leave the bus. And like the charge of the light brigade I pushed my way towards that empty seat and sat, a sigh of satisfaction leaving my lips. It was like starving for days and weeks without food or water and then tasting of the nectar and ambrosia of the Greek gods. At that moment, the planets aligned and everything felt right at last. It was a moment of sheer bliss and fulfilment.

Less than five minutes later, it was my stop...

This has been my life, I found it worth living.

2010-04-02T18:33:00.003+05:30

Gosh, its been so long since I put anything up here. Only goes to show you what happens when life starts to get in the way of itself. What on earth does that mean you say? I don't really know, its just the best that i could come up with. Sometimes we get so bogged down with the inconsequential that we forget who we are. It's happened to me. I can see it. 3 months down the line of 2010 and nothing to show except one disappointment after the other. It's hard to see the silver lining when the clouds start to overlap. 2009 saw a disastrous closure with a near tragic end relating to family. 2010 started without any fanfare, celebration or change. It was just like any one day leading into the other with the only difference being that the two days were December 31st and January 1st.

Since then its been one problem after the other. I know its easy to say that you have to keep on moving, but that, as i realized, is hard to do when there begins to arise a direct correlation with tripping and falling. But still, that's where being stubborn is a good thing. It's probably the only time in life where being stubborn is the only thing that will get you through. It,s the stubborn, the thick skinned who are able to get through times of continued disappointment. I take great strength in the words of Bertrand Russell as he closes his amazing 'Three Passions'... "This has been my life; I found it worth living."

That piece of writing, in its entirety sum up my attitude to life as it were, "Three passions have governed my life: The longings for love, the search for knowledge, And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind]"

The only that really keeps me going is, quite simply the fact that looking back, life has been good to me, and everything works in circles, everything is like the tide. One day your up, the next day your down, ultimately, its who you that will decide your fate as it were.

Life's alright, even when its not...

The Ending Of An Era...

2009-05-19T14:02:00.000+05:30

“One is left with the horrible feeling now that war settles nothing; that to win a war is as disastrous as to lose one.”

Agatha Christie

“War would end if the dead could return.”

Stanley Baldwin

“Only the dead have seen the end of war.”

Plato

As unbridled levels of patriotism flood throughout the nation and as the sound of crackers clog up the air one cannot help but stop and ponder. A war that has consumed over well over one quarter of a century and a far far greater number of lives is at last over as it would seem. The death throes of a bygone era fall still as a country torn apart by a war that knew no boundaries tries at last to exist and coexist.

The war is over, indeed it is, but the conflict, the conflict still breathes. In this cruel world, the hearts of men have been hardened; the human mind has the uncanny ability and capacity to forget what should be remembered and to remember that what must be forgotten.

Jubilation sweeps through the streets at that what was won, but do we spare a moment to consider that what has been lost. The land will repair itself in time; even the wounds to the flesh can be healed, but what of the damage to the hearts and minds of the people. They do not heal so easily, they tend to stay open, they fester for longer and the cut runs deep.

We take joy in being alive but do we think of every mother’s son and every father’s daughter who is not coming home. Do we weep with the wife who has lost her husband or wipe a tear from the child who has neither hand to hold nor chest to hug on to? Do we think of the man who has lost everything and has nothing left worth living for anymore?

Now, as the guns and the bombs fall silent, now will we hear the cries, now will we hear the tears, louder and clearer than ever before. What has been lost can hardly be replaced, though it may appear that the future is rosy once more. In the midst of all the celebrations, we seem to have forgotten much and casually ignored more. The ending of a war is not enough; one needs a much thicker coat of paint to hide the scars imparted.

Now is when the mettle of a land and a people will be tested. Now is when the true strength of a nation can be assessed, now when there is no one left to blame and no where to hide. Now will see the capacity of man to forgive, to forget, to live and let live and not let the mistakes of the past become the burden of the present.

Take this time, not to rejoice, though be glad that this black era had passed. But do not blindly rush forward into a sense of veiled optimism, a clouded discernment, a darkened perception. In fact this is a time which must be proceeded into with caution. The time is at hand where old differences be put aside and not pandered to, within or without.

Terrorism is not dead, just its agents, for as long as inequalities remain, apparent or perceived it will live on. We are all created equal; we laugh, we cry, we bleed, we die; and that is all we should remember and carry forward into the new day. That should be all we need to embrace and live by if we are to make it.

Can we forgive and can we forget? Can we wipe the slate clean? Can we find the strength within to accept that old hatreds, resolved or not, be laid to rest. Or is the final legacy of the terror bringer a hemorrhaging heart, a mind that cannot forget and a spirit that can never rest? Ultimately, only time will tell. But the thing about time is that it waits for no man.

So as the new day heralds the end of an era, we wait in apprehension. As for me, I will stubbornly believe in the power of the human spirit, I will take heart in knowing that good still rests in man, even if the days are dark, I will grasp to a sliver of hope, for that is all we have and I will trust in the One who made me. I think, I think that for now, that is more than enough.

I Hope Your Heart Runs Empty - Neverending White Lights

2009-05-13T13:58:00.000+05:30

Surreal yet real.

Sad yet happy.

Soothing yet striking.

Moving yet gentle.

Uplifting yet sorrowful.

Bittersweet.

A truly amazing piece of music.

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If all the luck in this life has all run

If all my faith is undone, I had none

To track them down and take them back where they belong

Could that explain why I'm here, Is that the reason why I came

And why I feel this way, I feel, I feel, I feel, I came apart here

Stole a look away from you eyes

Stole a look and finally paid your price

Tethered fresh, trampled thoughts, look for me

Look at this face, everywhere there's new mistakes

And underneath it all, takes its toll, grudgingly

But with you in here, everything seems ok

If every moment could have you in it, I know where all my faith had gone

If any moment should take you away, I know I'll always have this one

If every moment could have you in it, I know where all my faith had gone

If any moment should take you away, I know I'll always have this one

This one, this one, this one

Of any moment, ever stolen, don't take this one

As my heart runs empty now I realize

What I want would never surface otherwise

I hope your heart runs empty and you realize

Hold on to this hope, hold on to this hope

Hold on to all my hope, and my faith

Cause I don't wanna leave, I don't leave from your life

Because I wanna see, that nothing is faded, that nothing could change it,

That nothing is faded, that nothing could change it

Of any moment

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Youtube it. Download it. Threaten a friend who has it and listen to it.

However you go about it. Listen to it.

An amazing song by an amazing supergroup.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsw9zBpp3-M

I hope...

2009-04-20T09:51:00.001+05:30

People always ask me, “What’s new?” to which I always reply, “Nothing much”. That’s a lie. A lot has changed. I’m not the same man I was a year ago. Not by a long shot. But then again, most of us are continuously going through some sort of change or the other. Even if sometimes it doesn’t occur to us as being a change.

I hope I’m changing for the better.

There comes a time in every one’s life when they will be tested on the very thing that the pride themselves the most on. And every so often that pride, that blind determination fails. And we falter and we shake and we give in and we often give up. That’s a shame. It’s happened to me, a lot, and often the hardest thing is forgiving me.

I hope I never get where I can’t forgive myself.

The point is to remember that we can’t change the past. We cannot undo what has been done. All we can do, is get up, even when it hurts, even when it means facing the music, even when it feels better to sit and wallow. Get up and get on with it. It can be so difficult sometimes, just to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

I hope that day never comes.

Still, I smile, still I find a reason to face the world, and still I give myself another chance. Not because I can, not because it’s the right thing to do. But just because when all that has to be said is said and when that can be done has been done, my God is bigger than the storm. And he catches me when I fall.

I hope I can live the life I have left in honour of Him.

Tomorrow

2009-04-07T12:50:00.000+05:30

Try as I might,
My eyes, they are strangely dim,
My ears, hear nothing but silence,
I can neither see the light of tomorrow,
Nor hear the new day call out to me.

As much as I fight,
I’m still Held back by all that surrounds,
Straining against the chains of yesterday,
The mists of the future swirl around me,
Thick and dark, beckoning, yet elusive.

Just past the night,
There’s a place called tomorrow,
Somewhere out there, I know it lies
Just of my reach and just of my sight,
Somewhere beyond my comprehension.

Should it not look bright,
Still I wait for the dawn,
Of the tomorrow that will come,
Destined to become a new today,
Fated to die another yesterday.

I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp

2009-04-06T11:43:00.001+05:30

Scattered words and empty thoughts

Seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

Seems i dont know where to start

But its now i feel your grace fall like rain

From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness

I still believe in your truth

I still believe in your holy word

Even when I dont see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

With promises i still seem to bear

Even when answers slowly unwind

It's my heart I see you prepare

But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain

From every fingertip washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into your arms

Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness

I can see that this is your will for me

Help me to know you are near

Some New, Some Used and Some Recycled…

2009-01-12T15:26:00.000+05:30

I've been thinking a lot on the whole subject of why we get depressed or feel let down lately. I've always had an attitude of telling people to not let things get them down without never really having a good reason why. The phrases 'In the large scale of things', 'the big picture' and 'at the end of the day' figured a lot in my discourses. To be honest I do try very hard to not let things get me down and I have a good reason for how I manage, more often than not to indeed worry, but not let that worry keep me down in the dumps.

Subsequently, I've realized that it’s all well and good telling people 'don't worry' or 'take it easy'. But that's really quite pointless when I realized that I was just saying that but not really giving any real value addition besides that. So I decided to try and condense my basic ideals and methodology in dealing with worries into a few sentences. What I came up with follows, whether it be understood, accepted, implemented or challenged is left entirely up to you.

The easiest way to not get too down is to realize what i made myself realize. I figured that at the end of the day, everyone is human and absolutely no one is perfect. So no matter how close somebody is to you, they have the capacity and the capability of letting you down or hurting you. Be it intentionally or not. Man will fail you some time or the other whether you like it or not. So, it's best to not expect anything, any base level of behaviour or character or a basic level of respect or grace, from anybody. So thereafter all the good, all the thoughtful, all the nice that they do, to you or to those around you, is a bonus and something to be happy for and vice versa, all the bad is, at the very least, not unexpected.

This may seem a bit pessimistic or world weary, but I don't think so. I just think man has the capacity for good and for bad. All of us, regardless or race, creed or religion, have that inert ability, that free will, to choose right from wrong. Even though sometimes we may not even be able to tell the difference. So it's best to know that man can always shock you, positively or negatively. The knowledge of that will be of some help in whatever it is the future holds. This is not a perfect option, nor is it foolproof. All I can say is that it at least helps to make life more bearable sometimes.

Points to Ponder:

1. What I think of as being perfectly acceptable may be taboo to you and over the top to someone else.

2. Not everything that happens to us is for our own good.

3. Every now and then someone will come along who won't fail you, at least not deliberately.

4. You can never ever be prepared for the worst.

5. Some people just don't realize they are hurting others. So it's up to the others to do something about it, whether that may be in confrontation or just ignoring and accepting. Both will have their consequences. You have to decide which is easier to handle.

6. Life was never going to be good. Deal with it.

7. Sometimes we have to challenge our friendships.

8. A negative attitude, though making things seem easier to deal with, is in the long run, never good for you.

9. Experience is indeed a very good teacher. But someone else’s experience isn’t always the best one for you. Nor is yours the best for someone else.

10. Parent’s aren’t always right, but they aren’t always wrong either. There’s a much too positive correlation between the amount our parents are wrong about something and our age.

11. Don’t give up on love, don’t run after it either. Be patient and let it come to you.

12. We are never too old, or too smart, or too good to receive correction.

13. Trust is one of the most valuable commodities we have, be sure of whom you give it to.

14. Sometimes the hardest person for you to trust is none other than yourself.

15. Shedding tears is not a bad thing. But know whether what or whom you are shedding tears over is worth it.

16. No matter who you are, no matter what you do, no matter what you’re mental, physical or emotional strength. You can never get yourself out of all the things life flings at you all the time.

17. Laughing off problems and worries is NOT a bad thing. But never hide behind a laugh. I’ve realized that it’s ok to let other people know you have something bothering you. See point 16 for why. (Something someone very very dear to me made me realize).

18. Laugh, but only if you have some reason to do so.

19. Listen to The Sunscreen Song.

20. There’s always a bigger picture, but remember that it’s made up of many smaller ones

21. Look at the world through the eyes of a child every now and then, it helps. Immaturity however, does not. Take it from me.

22. Don’t let yourself be taken for granted, but don’t stop helping other’s either. If you want to keep helping others, remember that only 1 leper came back to say ‘thank you’. Meaning: don’t even expect something that’s as simple as a thank you.

23. Never let yourself succumb to self-pity, no matter how ‘good’ it makes you feel or how much easier it makes the hurt seem bearable.

24. Spend some time alone with your thoughts. It’ll help you achieve at a decent level of clarity.

25. Never ever sink into the ‘why me’ mentality.

26. Most of the motivational writings you find aren’t always agreeable with (this one is no exception). In the end, it’s up to you to decide what’s worthwhile absorbing.

But that's just what I think...

Oh and I know I used 'at the end of the day' somewhere above too...

Are You with me?

2009-01-09T08:56:00.000+05:30

A song i happen to like a lot, frankly, the lyrics are altogether too appropriate given all the madness and mayhem that's going on in this blue and green place we call home...

Are You With Me? - Color

So you're out there on the street
Shedding your second skin
You can't help but to repeat
Running the rat race on the road to ruin
Secrets kept quiet
For reasons not too bright
They always seem to let the
Catastrophe out of the bag

Every antic ups the ante
Lend a helping hand
Things are getting desperate and its
time to take a stand
Are you with me?
Are you with me?

Times are changing
At the blink of an eye
I don't know what the day will bring
But I'm glad to be alive

Every antic ups the ante
Lend a helping hand
Things are getting desperate and its
time to take a stand
Are you with me?
Are you with me?

This will be our year
We just need a remedy
Like a substituted Savior
Who wants somebody
To need somebody
To love somebody
again

When TV's the place of worship
The wheels are put in motion
We're all on a sinking ship
setting sail into the ocean

Every antic ups the ante
Lend a helping hand
Things are getting desperate and its
time to take a stand
Are you with me?
Are you with me?

Thoughts on the passing of another year…

2009-01-05T12:04:00.000+05:30

And so we pass on into another new year, the last one flying by too quickly for comfort. Somehow or the other, I feel that 2008 definitely went by a lot faster than the previous years. But still, one thing that I have to say for the year, all things considered, it wasn’t a bad one. In fact it ended incredibly well. During the course of the year, many things have happened, some good, some bad, some too close to call. Looking back, it’s easy to think that the bad overshadow the good. And that’s something we as humans are altogether too good at doing. But looking again, I’ve come to realize that in fact, deciding the difference between the good and the bad comes down to a matter of where your priorities lie, where your heart is and what you truly hold important in your life. It really can be that simple, it really can be that easy and it really can be that straightforward.

In the last few days of the year that is just gone, I began to realize where my priorities lay, what truly was important to me and what didn’t need to have an effect on me. I began to see that what I used to hold dear to me where just things, things that would rust, or break, or leave. I began to see that the human side of things which I’d been blocking out for so long. And so, as the days ticked by to the close of the year, my gaze shifted from those things that were always there for me, despite just being things, inanimate objects. I’ve come to see that what mattered most to me and what I’d look forward to coming back to after a bad day were things that couldn’t possibly do anything back for me. The single largest change in my life this year has been the change that led me to realize what a waste it was to place my trust in something that could never place its trust back in me.

Something I always felt I never got and a main reason why I used to be so detached from the world, was that I felt I never really got any respect. It’s always something that used to gnaw at me. That feeling that you get when you do and do but never really get any recognition, no matter the size. It’s taken a while to realize and accept but I’ve learn't that it’s not about what you do, nor about what you get for what you do. It’s simply about why you do it. So I’m stopping the mentality where I feel that I deserve something in return for anything that I do. I’ll do it because I want to do it, or I won’t do it because I don’t want to do it. Simple and easy. Everything that happens beyond that is a bonus. The only recognition i guess I need is that of a job done well. This isn’t to be honest the easiest thing in the world do, but I am implementing it, slowly but surely. I’m just glad, that there IS somewhere that I do get respect from even though I don’t need it. I don’t need it simply because I know its there anyway. In fact, I get a whole lot more than respect but that’s another story.

So yes, the year is over, I’m several days into the new one. This year came on me without any fuss or revelry or celebration. I went into it quietly, without bother or thought. It just was day, then night, then day again. The only thing that really changed is that I have to remember to write 2009 instead if 2008. I don’t know what the future holds for me. This year hasn’t got off to the best of starts in many ways. Ways I’ll not go into now. But still, I’m happy I reorganized my priorities. Because given what’s happened it would have been so so easy to get bogged down, especially seeing as its still less than one week into the New Year. All that’s happened so far has, I’ll admit to an extent worried me, but the simple difference being that now I can see that despite being worrying I don’t need to put my life on hold or get depressed about them anymore. What’s truly important to me now stares me in the face every so often. Some new, very new and very very high up on the ‘Means the most to me list’ and some old, been there all along which needed a bit of dusting off.

It really IS all about the people you love, the family you have, the friends you keep, the memories you cherish and the life you live.

Love as I’ve realized is something you take a massive risk, no not risk, chance on but one which has a fan incredibly amazing outcome, so long as its taken for all the right reasons. But it’s a matter of loving for love and loving for the sake that you actually got a chance at love or something like it. And therein lays all the difference. Love is the thing that holds everything together, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons and lovers. All love, all different types, but still heartfelt love, plain and simple.

Family is so very important in this world. People who fall out with their family loose so so much and as I see it, family is something you should never ever let slip away from you. Your family is all you’ve got in this world and you need family. No matter how much we feel we can break out on our own, we can never be happy inside if we don’t keep our family close by.

Friends are something we all need, something I have a lot of but always felt lacking at the same time. Having good friends is something that is of incredibly importance in life and it’s worth it to fight to keep the friendship burning. Then I see that keeping friends is about compromise, sacrifice and love yet again. It’s about knowing what’s important to keep and what should just be forgotten.

Memories, Ah, they are a tricky one. I said memories, not good or bad, simply because sometimes it’s not a bad idea to remember the bad memories and not the good ones. The point is to not dwell on the bad memories but to use them to propel you forward. The good memories can sometimes cause more trouble than their worth, simply because you can find yourself all too easily getting sucked into the ‘I wish it was like that time’ mentality. So both the good and the bad memories are important to us. It’s just a matter of why we decided to remember them.

But it all comes down to the life we lead, the way we go about what we do that counts. It’s not easy and none of us are by far perfect. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try to work towards perfection. Even though we can never achieve it…at least not while we’re no this earth. Like it goes, Aim for the stars and you get the moon and the earth thrown in should you fall short. Aim for the earth and if you fall short you get nothing. Study to get a 100; should you fall short, you still pass. Study to pass and if you fall short you fail. Same concept. It’s interesting to note that the better we try to live our lives, the harder it is to do so. Every time we try to do things right something happens to test that. Way I see it is that that is the test right there. How we pass is entirely up to us. Do we tell that lie, knowing it will save our skin, or do we tell the truth and face the consequences? Do we curl up and hide at the slightest sign of problems or do we dare to face them? Run away and live to fight another day? I think I’ll at least try with all I have to do what’s right. So that when the day is done, no body can say I didn’t try my best, least of all myself.

I fear that I’m going on and on about things we hear every so often from all over the place. Maybe I’m being overly preachy, or just going on about things we love to talk about but never can never really get around to doing. But, to me this is not just another load of motivational, semi-inspirational, quasi-emotional mumbo-jumbo. But that’s just me, so feel free to call all this the terms I’ve already provided in the line above and more if you feel like it. But I think I’m going to give it a shot, I might as well really. I’m going this way once, at least I’m going to try to make the whole thing seem worth it. Regardless of when, where, how or why it ends…

And that’s it, the year ahead stretches before me, it’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to be hard. It’s just going to be another year. I can’t see the future, so technically I can’t really be ready for anything. All I can do is expect to nothing but be at the very least prepared to face up to anything that comes my way. What more really can I do? But I can’t do it on my own, no matter how much I think I can. And for that I’m glad I have my God, my family and my friends…

…I thing I’m going to experience life and not just live it…

...at the very least I'm damn well going to give my best shot...

The Sims 2 : The Blog Post

2008-11-28T11:29:00.000+05:30

So, in the recent years, the Maxis life-simulation game, 'The Sims' has become something of a gaming phenomenon. Spawning an immense fan base, The Sims has become one of the most popular games ever created. The Sims spawned numerous expansion packs before there finally came the record smashing release of 'The Sims 2' to near universal acclaim. The Sims 2 in its own right spawned an incredible number of Expansion packs covering vacations, to Magic to even going so far as to call one of them ‘Free Time'.

This has come as being a bit silly and it is of our belief that 'The Sims 2' will never die. And so, to save Maxis and Will Wright a little difficulty, we (who in our own right have way too much free time, despite having things to do, as well as having similar warped views of the world) have developed a few titles for upcoming expansion packs. All during the course of one MSN Messenger chat conversation, which for the sake of sanity will be destroyed. However, the said titles will be not and are presented here, for the first time ever, in their original, uncut, uncensored (except for 3 titles which we really really cant tell you guys, unless you ask nicely) glory.

The Sims 2 : Still Living

The Sims 2 : They just wont die

The Sims 2 : Finally we have sexual organs

The Sims 2 : So that’s where the kids came from

The Sims 2 : Combat Evolved

The Sims 2 : Call of Duty

The Sims 2 : MMORPG

The Sims 2 Online (Suck on this Second Life)

The Sims 2 : The Take Over

The Sims 2 : The Humans : How do YOU like being ordered around?

The Sims 2 : Allyourbasearebelongtous

The Sims 2 : Why so serious?

The Sims 2 : In Space

The Sims 2 : In Space 2 : No one can hear you scream

The Sims 2 : To boldly go where no Sim has gone before

The Sims 2 : Do I feel lucky?

The Sims 2 : Well Do ya? Punk.

The Sim(pson)s 2

The Sims 2 : 6.56b

The Sims 2 : Twilight

The Sims 2 : Sim City 3000

The Sims 2 : Hogwarts

The Sims 2 : 2008 US Presidential Elections

The Sims 2 Fast 2 Furious (18+)

The Sims 2 : Mamma Mia!

The Sims 2 : Mamma Mia : Meryl Streep

The Sims 2 : Adults Only

The Sims 2 : Llamas

The Sims 2 : AI

The Sims 2 : Need For Speed

The Sims 2 : Kingdom Hearts

The Sims 2 : Final Fantasy

The Sims 2 : Deadra Lords

The Sims 2 : Harry Potter

The Sims 2 : Life as a Dementor

The Sims 2 : Diablo and his bros

The Sims 2 : Legally Blonde

The Sims 2 : The Apprentice

The Sims 2 : Heroes

The Sims 2 : Kill the Batman

The Sims 2 : Prison Break

The Sims 2 : The Incredible Hulk

The Sims 2 : Theme Park

The Sims 2 : Pokemon

The Sims 2 : More Pokemon

The Sims 2 : Even MORE Pokemon

The Sims 2 : They make take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!

The Sims 2 : Kushil And Jeevan

The Sims 2 : Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division

The Sims 2 : Mahinda

The Sims 2 : Mahinda Chinthanaya

The Sims 2 : Livin' Large(er)

The Sims 2 tired to go on

The Sims 2 : We cant do this anymore

The Sims 2 : Just let us go

The Sims 2 : Or else

The Sims 2 : Heaven Or Hell

The Sims 2 : Decaying Carcass Worms

The Sims 2 : Zombie Nation

The Sims 2 : You just couldn't let me go. Could You?

The Sims 2 : Run Forrest Run!

The Sims 2 : The Matrix

The Sims 2 : Blue Pill

The Sims 2 : Red Pill

The Sims 2 : There Is No Spoon

The Sims 2 : Keanu Reeves’ Accent

The Sims 2 : It was all a dream

The Sims 2 : Its just a game

The Sims 2 : Chuck Norris

The Sims 2 : MSN Messenger

The Sims 2 : Enron

The Sims 2 : Skype

The Sims 2 : Windows 7

The Sims 2 : Bill Gates Version

The Sims 2 : Brokeback Mountain

The Sims 2 : Achmed the Dead Terrorist

The Sims 2 : The Hobbits

The Sims 2 : Nokia N Series

The Sims 2 : Jaws

The Sims 2 : Jurassic Park

The Sims 2 : Star Trek

The Sims 2 : The Jedi Lords

The Sims 2 : Lord of the Rings

The Sims 2 : In a Galaxy Far Far Away

The Sims 2 : Red Alert

The Sims 2 : This Is Sparta!!!

The Sims 2 : Wax On…Wax Off…

The Sims 2 : Peanut Butter Jelly Time

2 Sims The : Yoda

The Sims 2 : World Of Warsims

The Sims 2 : Command And Conquer

The Sims 2 : Big Red One

The Sims 2 : St.Thomas' Vs RoyaL

The Sims 2 : Facebook

The Sims 2 : Taste Of My Blade

The Sims 2 : I'm Blind, not Deaf

The Sims 2 : I can haz cheezbrgr?

The Sims 2 : Pull his finger

The Sims 2 : That’s not his finger

The Sims 2 : Sniff My Finger

The Sims 2 : Now Sniff His Finger

The Sims 2 : The Knights of the Round Table

The Sims 2 : Spore 2

The Sims 2 : Maxis

The Sims 2 : Who needs real life anymore?

The Sims 2 : Intravenous Nutritional Intake isn’t too bad

..and for all you pedantic, googlers/wikipedians/fans...

The Sims 2 : The Sims 3

...This list will go on...

...try and stop us...

A topic we know and yet do not...

2008-11-19T12:24:00.000+05:30

Love as we know, is a many splendoured thing. Its a topic that has been on the minds of man since the dawn of time. And no matter how hard we try to figure it out, to understand all its little intricacies, the more we realize that its not something we can understand at all, but just something we can experience. Nothing beats the ability to love and to be loved in return. One of the most redeeming qualities of all that makes us human.

Love is a feeling, love is a state of mind, love is part of life, love is a gift. Love comes in many forms, in many degrees and in many disguises. Its a word that we use all too often for all the wrong reasons. Saying 'I Love you' is easy, but meaning it is not. When you truly feel love, it can be seen, in the sound of your voice, the touch of a hand, the look in your eyes. And then when you say it, ah, that's when it means something.

I don't know why I started this or even where I was going with it. Call it an calculated impulse...

A passing thought

2008-10-02T15:06:00.001+05:30

I’ve come to realize, that it’s a waste of time and life to watch for the big moments in life whether they are good or bad. Instead it’s far better to look for those small moments that blindside you when you least expect them and are gone before you can pick yourself up, but still somehow the other leave you changed.

Like a truly good laugh, or the correct type of song, listened to at the correct time and place. Maybe a dose of reality followed almost immediately by a swift feeling of sadness.

In between the apparent ‘big’ happenings in my life there have been plenty of others that have and are on a continuous basis shaping me, whether I realized it at the time or not. All of those could-have-been’s, will-never-be’s, should-not-have-been’s and did be’s.

Now the only problem is to be able to tell which 'will-never-be' can 'could-have-been' a 'did-be' and which 'did-be' 'should-have-been' a 'will-never-be'.

An outburst

2008-09-30T13:01:00.000+05:30

It’s September! 30th! Nine months down already. 2008 has come and almost gone and I’m still wallowing around. This sort of thing really shows you the madness that is life and time. This year has flown, a lot faster than the last few years in my opinion. I’m fairly certain that there is nothing wrong with the balance of the universe and that there are no astrophysical anomalies in the space-time continuum (Now that’s a mouthful by-the-way). So therefore, this year has the same amount of time last year had (fine, fine, it was a leap year, I know). But somehow, it feels its gone way to fast. What have I accomplished this year? Well, I guess I can say that I finally managed to finish CIMA. No minor feat, but in the greater scale of things, just a drop in the ocean.

I honestly have no clue what this post is all about. All that’s on my mind is the fact that this year has flown and I haven’t. Time’s moving on and I don’t really know what I want to do next. The thought of sitting down again and getting into studies and exams again is just too daunting at the moment. The things around me are changing, people I know moving on and moving out. But somehow or the other I have this sense of “I’m still here”. Whether, that’s a good thing or a bad thing I can’t tell. It’s like that feeling you get when you want to do something but at the same time there’s something holding you back.

Still, it has been a good year though, filled with the good and the bad. This is no more, or, no less than what I, or anyone for that matter, can really ask for. Well, I guess all I can do is try and live not too far away from the moment, because living in the moment is sometimes a lot harder than it sounds, as well as being something I try to do a lot but never actually manage to pull of. As the song goes, “I do this from time to time, where I can never wake from a bad dream. I do this from time to time, where I can never say the things I mean.”

But still, through it all, life is still good. And that’s because at the end of the day, when all is done and said. My life is my own. And that’s all that really matters. Pearl Jam gets it right, “I know I was born and I know that I’ll die, the in-between is mine. I am Mine”

Interlude

2008-09-30T12:18:00.000+05:30

Well, it happened…I heard about it happening…but thought that it wouldn’t.
Yet here I am…three months gone without blogging.
Complete and utter writers block would have to be the only possible thing I can chalk it up to.
But let’s throw in a little laziness, a cup of work and a spoon of procrastination for good measure.

And let it simmer.

And yes, this does not count as a blog post.
In fact, I have absolutely no clue whatsoever this is.
Let alone that pseudo-poetic post i posted the last time this happened.
Symbolic of my state of mind at the time though.
Writing to a blog.

Strange.

Dear English...We Miss You...

2008-06-26T15:56:00.001+05:30

"Yo, wt u up2 ds dys m doin fyne gtngalng k. stdyn n wrkn @ é sm tym i mzz al d odr ppl hu v wr n cls with hw r dey doin.gd i hpe. lol."

So...that is an example of the text messages I get from friends. Well, thats an interesting use of the language, to say the least. I've heard of short-hand but this really takes the cake. I mean, seriously, what on earth is wrong with people nowadays. I have nothing against writing in short-hand or in shortened form, i do so myself. But stuff like this really gets under my skin. So many people all over the place suffer from what I like to call, SVDS (Severe Vowel Deficiency Syndrome). I mean seriously, whats so wrong with vowels? Trust me, once you get to know them, they're actually nice people, vowels. All they really want is to be accepted.

I understand that its called Short Messaging Service for a reason but that doesn't mean you have to go right ahead and realize that the shortest way to write a 'short' message is to bloody ignore all vowels, all forms of punctuation and come up with hitherto unheard of abbreviations. Yes i know I coined SVDS (but I go on to explain what it stands for , so don't go judging me and besides I said that its what I like to call it). I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a connoisseur when it comes to use of the English language, after all we all know that its one helluva language to learn (Goose.Geese.Moose.Meese?) But I still try my best to make my sentences easy to understand and my words easy to decipher.

Another thing is IMspeak, where one tends to use those magnificent abbreviations coined by the great elder ones of MSN Messenger...Oh wait, I apologize, Its WindowsLive™Messenger now. Ok, so i guess I cant really come down on abbreviations like LoL (laugh out loud), RoFL (Rolling on the Floor Laughing), LMAO (Laughing my ass off) and LMFAO (basically LMAO plus one extra word that starts with an 'F', the difference being that LMFAO is probably more, well, intense? Maybe? But man, you need a dictionary to understand the myriad of IMspeak terms out there.

Oh yeah, what about those words that are spelled wrong for no apparent reason. What comes to mind is a very good friend of mine, salt of the earth and all but for some reason he spells cool as 'kewl'. (If you're reading this I apologize, but at least I didn't mention your name.) This problem I've noticed all over the place. Why, whats wrong with cool? It consists of four letters, and so is kewl. So whats the reason for using 'kewl'. I've noticed so many people go around misspelling words, deliberately. And I can't for the life of me fathom why.

Oh well, this is just what I think. I do shorten-words occasionally but not to the level where whoever it is that I'm talking to needs some sort of complex high-level decoder to try and figure out what the hell it is I'm trying to say. So many times, all such messages to me, have ended up with me replying with 'Huh?' and then the person having to then re-explain the message to me, simply cause I can't figure out some word or phrase or sentence in the message. Oh well, to try and find something positive, at least it gives my mind a workout. Move over sudoku, get lost chess, here comes freestyle SMSUnderstand™®.

Personally I think that everybody should just get back to using good, normal COMPLETE English. With out screwing around with grammar, spelling and punctuation. I.e. when it comes to using the English language, use it properly and in the right context and stop being so fewlish...

(p.s. for those scratching their heads over the picture at the start of the post. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic )

Another Day...

2008-06-09T18:16:00.001+05:30

Well, thats it, another day nearing completion at work. Somehow things have changed a lot from those idyllic first few months of work. New CEO, new workload, new responsibilities, new things to avoid. The days seem to have grown longer too. Gone were those days i left at 4.45 pm simply because I didn't have work to do. Now it's more like i have continuous work but no way am i staying on too late. Even though that means working even harder tomorrow and skipping a proper lunch in the process. (The neverending mystery : Weightloss or Gastritis?)

Sometimes one has to strike the balance between work and play, albeit said that my social life is pretty much dead, buried and even decomposing. Sad really, there's really a whole lot more that I'd like to be doing. (Bungee Jumping and Jet skiing are in there somewhere, two things I've NEVER EVER done) Well, someday, maybe some TV show with an Oprah clone will come along and randomly pick me on one of my various sojourns about the town and let me do something I've always wanted to. Though that could very well be destroying all such said talk-shows.

Well, we dare to dream, and well dreams aren't altogether a good or a bad thing. It all depends on where you go with them. Whether we use them to achieve something or whether we keep thinking about them and missing out on all that we have or could have right here and right now. The future is not now, the future is a couple of micro, Milli, mini seconds from now. Whatever the smallest measure of time there is in the cosmic scale of things. But the future is constantly unfolding and taking place. A real brain-teaser that one.

But, life will go on...until...well...until it not stops, but just changes, into something altogether different. Yet, who knows what exactly is to come next. Just ideas, thoughts, imaginations, dreams are all we've got. But it will be good. For the time being though, I think I'll just keep on at what I've got going. Times may get better, things may get worse. All I know is that there's no point regretting something. You might as well, look ahead diligently for that second chance at redemption.

There's a whole lot more that i want to do, that i can do, that I'll never do or even be able to do. But right now, there is also a lot that I have done. Some good, some bad, some shades of Grey are present too. All I can think of right now, is to get things right, tidy the house and then just live, For the moment. In the moment. With the moment.

But I'm still going to Bungee Jump...Maybe onto a Jet Ski...

Dear Blog...

2008-06-09T18:03:00.001+05:30

Dear Blog,

I've Been Away,
For Quite Some Time,
I Cite Exams,
Work,
Writers Blog...erm...
Block.
This doesn't count,
as a blog post,
technically though,
It is.
Technically.
Well, I'll think,
Of Something,
Soon.
Hopefully.

Sincerely,
Me.

Aint That The Truth ??

2008-04-04T11:30:00.001+05:30

Pretty Diabolic...

2008-04-03T15:16:00.001+05:30

The Mystery that is...
Why is it that on many occasions I find myself, in office with a lorry-load of work to do and yet I just cant bring myself to do it? Its diabolic I tell you. Take right now for instance, I have something important to do and yet here I am blogging about the fact that I have something important to do yet can't get myself to do it. Damn Conundrums.

Not The Usual Suspects...
I figured, maybe its laziness, but then I ruled that out. Moved on to the second culprit of boredom. But then come on? Its work...its rarely meant to be a 'whoopity doo, WOOHOO' experience. And the worst part is that I know I'm procrastinating and that all thats ever going to come from that is even more work. Thats fairly certain. Damn inevitabilities.

Now What?So what am I going to do about it? Who knows? Its become somewhat of a routine. Just can't bring myself to do the work and then work till my hair falls out and finish on time. Thus far all has gone well and I've always finished on time. So it seems the system I have runs smoothly. Like a well-oiled machine. But still I feel that this is not all well and good. Damn Ethics.

The Blog Post About Nothing Whatsoever

2008-04-02T16:24:00.000+05:30

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seriously what did you expect?

The reader now shakes his or her (Chauvinism kills) head in disapproval, shrugs his or her (Really, it does) shoulders and sighs...

The reader also now tries to figure out why the hell this post was made in the first place...

The reader decides to chalk it up to a boredom, a touch of humour and maybe a hint of idiocy. Add a little stupidity to taste.

The reader is 100% correct...

However there now arises the problem that the post is now about something...

Hah!!!

Elegy

2008-04-01T11:54:00.000+05:30

He's shuffling along, while his feet drag behind,

His shoulders are drooped, his arms hang lifeless,

Onwards he pushes, this journey, this one is long,

The wind bites at his skin, the cold tightens its grip.

Why must i falter, Why do i keep falling,

Why is so hard to walk this path right?

He questions himself, as the answers elude.

And fear creeps in, it whispers and beckons.

He's living a lie, it gnaws at him, incessant,

Reality hits and recoils, he falls to his knees,

He beats at his chest and screams for release,

But reality is cruel, it shows him no quarter.

Temptations surround, they never back down,

All around him they swirl, the lure unbearable,

He falls back again, he succumbs to the call,

But he pulls himself up, hoisting the burden.

His heart feels so empty, the fire, now embers,

The horizon falls away, away to forever,

But he cannot give in, No, he will not, not now,

So he struggles to his feet, and onwards, he goes.

This passage is long, the road, it is rough,

But he knows he mustn't falter, or fail.

I'll find my way back, back home, I Will,

He says to himself, as he labours, alone

Dawn

2008-02-18T10:49:00.000+05:30

Dawn...that beautiful moment when the tendrils of the sun seep their way through the retreating night. The signal that night has passed and a new day begins. The rising of the sun has seen so many different symbolizations. Yet, I believe that probably the first and most simple is the best. That the night is over and that light now shines once more. But the dawn itself changes, rarely being the same day in and day out.

I like taking pictures of the sky and what follows are three photographs I took of the dawn at approximately the same time but on three different days. What struck me upon looking at them a while later is just how similar was the types of dawn to the way that we encounter the light after darkness during this trudge through life. Whether It be;

Dark, dreary and surreal. Hesitantly and without certainty that the darkness has ended.

Quick and without warning. Making it so easy to not realize it's taking place

Or slowly, gloriously and brilliant. With the light edging its way through the dark and clouds, like cracks in a jar. Gradually breaking free leading to an explosion of day, with all semblance of the darkness forgotten.

So anxiously wait for it no matter how dark it seems...

Remember

2008-01-31T14:12:00.000+05:30

When dreams disappear,
When hopes fade to dust,
When life loses direction,
When achievements turn to ashes,
When your friends all forsake you,
When even family falls short,
When good things seem elusive,
When fear becomes tangible,
When sorrow surrounds you,
When depression awakes,
When worry is choking you,
When addiction runs rampant,
When all things turn futile,
When this world and its glories fail you,

Remember,

I AM still here,

Waiting...

Mundane Miracles

2008-01-25T16:23:00.000+05:30

Miracles. Not an everyday happening? I disagree. As I’ve come to realize miracles do not necessarily have to be the fantastic, the curing of the incurable, the achievement of the impossible, the unbelievable saving of a life, the raising of the dead. All can be classified as the miraculous, true. But there are those occurrences, those day-to-day happenings, so easily forgotten, so usually overlooked. They are the stuff that real miracles are made of. You come to realize that miracles are everywhere you look. Every breath I take is a miracle as is every step that I take. I account nothing to chance, nothing to probabilities, nothing to no man and everything to my Father.

So many people go through their life looking for a miracle, waiting for the unimaginable to happen. So intently do they search for this, this phenomenon that they miss the real miracles, the would-be, the could-be, the obvious. I’m thankful that I’ve learnt to see these miracles around me, at least, some of them. The empty seat near me in the crowded bus, the very bus that’ll save me a load of walking turning up as I get to the halt, the cool wind on a warm night, the rain on my face, the finding of something you’ve looked so hard for, the list goes on. When it comes down to actually sitting down and doing it, counting your blessings can be a very time-consuming thing.

This life we walk is heavy-laden with the simple but miraculous and all we need to do is open our minds, our hearts and our eyes to them. Then we can see the depth, the magnitude and the sheer diversity of the Father’s love for us.

Stairway To Heaven™

2008-01-17T16:18:00.000+05:30

Came across this picture during some random traversing through cyberspace.
It was called 'Stairway To Heaven™'.
It was so amazingly breathtaking that I just had to share it here.

(Apologies to the actual owner of this image, I will remove it on request)

Empathy

2008-01-17T12:28:00.000+05:30

Empathy is sometimes overrated and many times misunderstood. You cannot empathize with somebody and be effective if you yourself have not gone through the same situation. For no matter how hard you try you cannot feel what they feel and so will not know what is needed. Sometimes the best that one can do is to just be there, to be willing to listen, to understand the pain or the sorrow and to just be someone to lean on and not a preacher or a teacher or a humourist or a philosopher or a consoler.

Sometimes a long wordless hug hug can accomplish far more than any amount of words can. Logic and reason can fail man but a truly compassionate heart doesn't need words to back it. There are plenty of words, phrases and sayings designed to provide sympathy and we use them all the time. But words are empty without feeling and feelings are nothing when not from the heart. Cliche? Maybe. But only because sometimes we choose to make it so.

Boredom-Induced Nonsense

2008-01-03T15:45:00.000+05:30

An apple, an orange, ET and a three-toed sloth are dancing the polka!

The Schrodinger Cat decided to become an escape artist!

A mermaid and a milkman got married and had a milkmaid and a merman!

There's a chicken and a squirrel playing poker with a lephrechaun!

Who was thrilled when the prodigal son returned? Definitely not the fatted calf!

There once was a squirrel from Mars,
who didn't like driving his cars
So he dug a large moat,
And bought a fast boat,
And boated his moat with the stars.

There lived once a most odious man,
Who’d hurt animals as much as one can,
Till one day in the street,
A dog took a bite at his meat,
Now he carries his b**ls in a can.
(this last one represents my stance towards animal cruelty Actually my stance is a lot harder than that but I don't want to go into any gory detail)

This Game We Play...

2008-01-03T13:06:00.000+05:30

Well thats that then. Another year is complete. Another three hundred and sixty fivepointsomething days have passed.Sad really, when one begins to think of the wasted minutes, hours, even days. And now another year has crept up on me unawares and jumped me from behind. Yesterday is indeed History, it is over and done with. But yesterday IS hard to forget. Indeed, yesterday will not be forgotten. Instead it must be used to move forward instead of dwelling there.

I do look back at certain events and wonder how they may have gone should I have done things differently. Regret is not a bad thing. It only becomes such when it stops being a way of looking back to move forward and becomes just backward looking. Going back in time and altering something has always been a fascination of mine. But i realize that anything that happened did for some reason or the other. But sometimes its so very difficult to understand the reason let alone know what it was.

It is said that we make our destiny, we choose our fate, we make our end. But whenever I run those phrases through in my head I run straight into a conundrum. For in the end, what is Destiny but a predetermined course of events? What is fate but what we were meant to do? All I know is that we all have a purpose. In the cosmic scale of things, we are all here to accomplish a part of a master plan. One with many possible diversions along the way but with only one ultimate end. We choose what we become but we don't decide the end. Call it destiny, call it fate, call it kismet, you decide.

Thus far, I've heard life being described as many things. Seen it being likened to various aspects of the natural. Some fairly accurate, some absurd, some humourously true. To me, life is like pinball but with just one ball. Many bumps, pitfalls and paths along the way.But at some point of time, I am not going to paddle myself away from the inevitable. The key is to play the game as best I can. With this opportunity I have, I play. Sometimes in skill, sometimes in lethargy, sometimes in desperation.

And so it goes. But when will it end? Man has the ability to make it end. Many do. Some get tired. Some loose interest. Some see the inevitable and choose to stop. Some loose their hold and let the game slip.

But some play it through. They beat the game, and then it Ends, and they get their reward. Still the choice remains, to play or not. The choice to stop; the alternative; terrible. The game is worth it; the end; glorious. But play it right, play it hard, play it with its Creator.

And so...

I play on...

Skyshots

2007-12-25T21:38:00.001+05:30

Out the window of a 50 kmph moving car in the evening

(Total fluke it came out fairly nice, to tell you the truth!)

From my rooftop at twilight

Nothing fantastic I know...But I just enjoy pictures of the sky in all its glory. Whenever I gaze at it I get a sense of amazement. A profound feeling of just how small and insignificant I am. This does not however act as a discouragement to me. Instead It fills me with a sense of, I don't know, elation for some reason or the other...

The expanse of blue, intermittent with white clouds. Or be it hued in shades of gray and black, foreboding and heavy. Or the glorious twilight, with the vibrant colours signifying the beginning of night or of day. And then the night itself, with the twinkling stars glittering into eternity, the constellations, the moon, the heavens...

The sky is like unto both a mirror and a canvas. It reflects moods, It stirs emotions, It comforts and depresses. It is a catalyst, for the mind, body and soul. A source of freedom for the spirit. It is like a doorway to the heavens, a glimpse of the infinite, a window into the universe. And all I have to do is look...

Christmas

2007-12-24T09:45:00.000+05:30

Its christmas.But somehow or the other, it seems muted. Something doesn't feel right. I want to feel that feeling I used to feel at Christmas. The little flutter of joy, the feeling of happiness. That amazing feeling that used to rise up within me whenever i got the smell of a real christmas tree. Not one of those plastic abominations that we see everywhere. (I understand the very real threat of deforestation, but this is a rant so cut me some slack ok?) I miss that delightful feeling in my stomach on the 24th night as i went to bed steeling myself to stay awake and confront Santa (I must say my parents were darned good at the whole santa thing!) I miss the feeling of waking up bleary-eyed on christmas morning and racing outside to see the buldge in the pillow-case (yep, not a stocking...i was a smart kid back then). I miss the feeling that came when i started decorating the house weeks before christmas. I miss seeing the bristles from the tree all over the floor. I miss that feeling I used to feel when I heard the christmas carols and songs. I miss the joy I had helping my mother stir the christmas cake. I miss going up country on holiday at christmas time and feeling the cold. I miss being a child in all aspects. I miss many things about Christmas. But one thing I do not miss. One thing. I do not miss not knowing what christmas really means. Sacrifice.

>Chitter<>Chatter>

2007-12-20T12:29:00.000+05:30

Its so bloody cold in my office.
The only thing lacking for it to be called a blizzard is snow, wind and a ruffled, airborne chicken. (Hmm, wait thats a tornado, ok fine, a frozen flying chicken). My uper body feels like there's a metronome stuck to my ribcage and its following a 4/4 beat. My brain processes are looking for warm places to hibernate not to mention slowing down to a half-hearted crawl-lurch type movement. One that even a sloth would race by grinning. If a vampire were to bite my neck right now, he'd (or she'd, too cold to argue with feminists) break his (or her) teeth, or atleast get a brain-freeze. I feel so cold, so very cold. From now on, I'm not going to wear a tie. A big, woolly scarf fastened in the shape of a tie is definitely the order of the day. Maybe an oversized, cover-my-ears turban, yeah, a turban would be nice. Or those big, furry black things that every 'man talking with Russian accent to other Russian in Russia in the movies' wears on his head. That and a metal collar around my neck. (Vampires probably like slushies as much as we do, however in this case I could have used 'he' because only a male would drink a slushy seeking that moment of glorious, painfully blissful moment of your brain swearing at you)

Addendum : Concerning brain processes, I'm virtually brain-frozen (freezed? Froze?)...